My life is a cycle
Today I was in one of my moods. If you don’t know what that means, it basically means I will argue with you about anything and everything. I will try to manipulate you into anything, such as trying to convince my mom that it is her fault that I act the way I do. I will also obsessively call you if you do not answer my one million phone calls. I do that mostly to my mom. No wonder I don’t have any friends.
Tomorrow I am going to find a new psychiatrist and a therapist. I don’t really like my psychiatrist. He barely even talks to me and doesn’t try to find meds that will work better for me. I need to do something because my depression and moods have been getting worse for the last year. My mom says I don’t need to live this way but sometimes I am convinced there is no hope for bipolar people. It is a constant disease and a never ending battle. I was happy for a few years though and I want to get back to that point.
I have been trying to cut back on some of my bills. Today I switched to a cheaper cable modem speed. I canceled my credit card and after arguing with capital one I made it so no one can make charges on it. They usually make it so if you don’t use it for 30 days it cancels if you requested to cancel it. Hmmmm I wonder why they do that? Because of people like me who can’t resist. I also took the $20.00 media package off the cell phone. I called AOL (my mom uses it) and told them I want to cancel so they would give me 3 free months and a cheaper rate. Works like a charm every time and I recommend it if you use AOL. It also works with other companies too. I am bad, but they are charging outrageous amounts and getting rich as hell off of it.
I hope tomorrow is better. I hope my mom isn’t mad at me and ready to give up on me (not that she ever has). It makes me feel bad because I am forever apologizing to people for my behavior and then I do it again. It is a cycle!
January 23rd, 2006 at 11:59 pm
Good luck looking for a new doctor and therapist. Make sure to keep looking until you find ones you like! That’s a big part of successful treatment.
January 24th, 2006 at 8:06 am
I would want to find a new therapist if my current one basically ignored me too. Good luck finding one, hun.
That’s great that you cut down some bills! Now, if we all could do that… lol.
January 24th, 2006 at 8:07 am
Oops, sorry. Psychiatrist not therapist
January 24th, 2006 at 1:46 pm
I’d look for another psychiatrist and therapist if I were in your shoes, too. It makes you wonder why people went into the field, if they’re choosing not to help anyone. Money, I suppose?
And good on you for getting cheaper rates. AOL in particular! I’d get them for everything they’re worth - because when you do cancel, they’ll probably keep charging you. Chris had that problem when I moved in.. I wanted to switch to Time Warner cable, so we had to cancel AOL - and they just kept charging for months afterward. We got a letter in the mail a few weeks ago from a law firm that is bringing up a class action suit against AOL for doing just that.
January 24th, 2006 at 4:16 pm
Well i hope it works out for you, i am just glad not once since i met you online you were never mean to me! I hope the best for you! Its always nice to find stuff cheaper, Internet mine is still ok 27 bucks a month, just glad its online all the time so the phone is free from being busy!