Pitty party
Yesterday was horrible. I feel okay right now but I just woke up so who knows.
I picked a huge fight with Paul. I’m pretty sure he will never talk to me again. We got in one the other day and I told him I was taking him off my Yahoo list. Well, he takes me off his myspace. Tonight I asked him if he took me off his Yahoo list and he said yes. That pissed me off so bad! I told him he was short, bad in bed and his dick was small. Yeah I wasn’t very nice. He called me psycho because he never knows when I am going to be nice or mean to him. I didn’t have sex for two years so you guys don’t really know, but watch. I will do this with every guy I ever like, hang out with, am interested in, whatever. I never learn! I can’t help it. I have an anger problem with guys and if you are not 100% perfect (which no guy is) I will let you know in a bad way.
I am ready to get this surgery over with. It is really depressing me. I don’t know if that is what was wrong with me yesterday but that is what my bad day started out with.
Emily pissed me off too. She texts me and tells me to call her. I call her and her phone is busy. I text her back and she says “sorry you missed out” or some crap like that. I messaged her back and said “So I miss out if I don’t call you within 3 seconds of getting your text message?” She knows I was having a hard day and she doesn’t give a fuck. So she talked on the phone and never taked to me. I am always there for my damn friends when they need me. I would drop everything for them but whatever. Maybe I shouldn’t give so much of myself to other people and just take care of me.
I have been wanting a cigarette so bad. I was watching Intervention yesterday and them smoking on it made me crave one so bad. This is the hard time for me. This timing is when I really want to start again. Actually I am kind of thinking about it. I am going to try to stay off of them, but I don’t know. I am starting to get in that “fuck it” mood.
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