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OMG! YES! YES! YES! YES!

I just tried on all my pants that are 18/20 or 20 (about 6 of them). They all are too big on me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The ones I tried on when I said I didn’t even loose a pant size I remembered were too small on me when I bought them. I can pull them all down without unbuttoning them. I did wear a size 22. There’s these ones that I especially remember. They were my favorite, so I remember when they wouldn’t fit me anymore, and they are too big!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SO HAPPY!

Posted in Lap-Band Surgery | 2 Comments »

Expensive

I got a paper from my insurance company telling me how much they paid for my meds this month. I take generic Lamictal now. I have to take 8 chewable a day because I take 200mg, and the highest dose they have in chewable is 25mg. They paid $614.38 for my generic Lamictal!!!!!!!!!!!!! I needed 240 of them. They paid $351.75 for 60 Geodon. That’s $966.13 for all two of my meds. At least if I didn’t have insurance, there’s a place for poor people to go get their psych meds. I think they give you samples, though. They will give you all you need, but I think they give you samples still. I bet they wouldn’t give me all that Lamictal.

I went to the mall and got 2 more pairs of pants from Aeropostale for $10.00 each!!!! They are normally $39.50. They didn’t have any x-large ones, so I tried on large, and they fit! I also got a sweater from Old Navy, and I thought it was on sale, but it wasn’t I also had to take my Bluetooth headset back to Sam’s Club because it was all staticy. I had to get a more expensive one because they were out of the one that was on sale on Black Friday.

I am starting to get bothered by how materialistic I am and how I always feel the need to buy new stuff. I am selfish. Buying stuff should not make me happy. I am poor, but some people don’t even have food or anything, and I could donate money to charities that help them. It really is starting to bother me. I am going to try not to buy anything else. I hate my life, and that’s probably why shopping makes me so happy. I used to not be like this. I mean, I always loved shopping, but I didn’t have to have everything. Now if I can’t get something I want, it’s like a life or death situation to me. In my eyes, it is a SERIOUS problem. I have everything I need, so I should not be buying more stuff. I am seriously going to try not to buy any new stuff, other than what I need, like real stuff that I need, like food.

I bet you ANYTHING that Andrew is thinking of how psycho I am going to go when he talks to me. We have talked about me going psycho when he doesn’t answer his phone before. He said something a while ago about how psycho I would go if he hung up on me and didn’t answer his phone when I called him back. I’d be pissed about that. He was just messing around when we talked about it. I am not even mad about his phone being off. I am not even mad AT ALL. I do wish he would turn it fucking on, though, and I am starting to get paranoid. I keep thinking that maybe he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. He would have changed his phone number a looooooooooong time ago if that was the case. I’ve done nothing to upset him, and the last time we talked, everything was fine. I am also worried that he is dead, because he did drive to Buffalo, NY, and there was probably snow. I still believe that he forgot his charger because he has done that before, and I know he would have turned his phone on to check his messages at least once. If he doesn’t turn it on by next Monday, I am calling his parents or his roommate. Or I should say by this weekend. What if his phone was ruined in a crash and him and his parents are dead. I don’t know if his roommate still has my number. Randy and Rich are on vacation, so they probably wouldn’t know. I worry so much like my mom. What if he is dead and I miss his funeral. He will probably laugh his ass off if he reads this. I just get so worried. How do you find out if someone is dead? If I called his parent’s or roommate now, he would think it is stalkerish and be pissed. He is an ass like that. It’s only been off for 3 days, so I shouldn’t worry.

I don’t like that fiber. It’s Metamucil and an orange flavor. It’s too thick. I’ve seen commercials for Benefiber (I think), and I think they say that they have some that isn’t thick and you can mix in food and drinks. I also hate that protein. I tried mixing it in Crystal Light lemonade, and it was so strong that it burnt my lips. I will try half water, half Crystal Light and the scoop that I am supposed to put in. The protein tastes like lemonade with no sugar in it. Well duh, I know they aren’t going to put sugar in it, but I still don’t like it. I wonder if Splenda will make it taste better.

I am tired. I am going to lie down.

Edit-
Oh shit. I just looked to make sure my Dell Preferred Account was at a 0 balance. It says I have $2,500 available credit. They must have upped it, because I had a credit limit of $1,500 before. I want a new laptop so bad, but I meant what I said.
/Edit

Posted in Andrew | No Comments »

Clean

My mom came over and scrubbed EVERY INCH of my kitchen, and I am ashamed to say that it was fucking disgusting. You could eat off of every surface in there now, not that I would. I pick up after myself, but I am so bad about scrubbing stuff. I also got new blinds for the kitchen and bedroom. It was SO hard to get the kitchen ones up. They were too small, so I had to re-screw the holder things to the top of the window. I still need to move the left one over. They are barley just sitting in there. Do you know how hard it is to screw something in from the bottom? My cousin and I were taking turns. Of course my dad can’t help because he would shit if he saw my new furniture. He knows that I can’t afford it, so he would know that my mom bought it for me. He would be SO pissed at her.

Andrew’s fucking phone is still off. I shouldn’t freak out, because he may stay there longer because it’s about to be New Years. He went with his parent’s, so they will probably have to come home after New Years to go to work (they’re nurses). He has 10 days off. If it’s off for longer, then I will know something is up. I am not paranoid about him being with a girl or anything. I would know he forgot his charger when he went to his parent’s or something. I actually think he did because he would turn is phone on to check his messages, like before when he was ignoring me for a few days lol. If you go to the Verizon Wireless website, and you send a text message, it will show you when the message has been delivered, and it doesn’t deliver the message while your phone is off. Verizon customers are easy to stalk. Not as easy to stalk as Cingular customers, though (lol it’s a secret). It’s the secret that made Andrew think I am even more psycho. I am, I am. But this thing is just immature fun. I could care less about the person I am stalking on it. He never told that person either. He is great.

I want some food that is bad for you I don’t have any, so it won’t be happening. My mom asked me if I wanted pizza today, and I said no. I lost another pound. I am going to call my doctor’s office tomorrow, if they are open, and ask them if I can come get my band filled before my next appointment. It is not filled enough. I just made a glass of fiber. I am supposed to drink 3 glasses a day. It is too much to drink 2-3 glasses of protein and 3 glasses of fiber.

Posted in (Step)Dad, Andrew, Family, Mom | 2 Comments »

I am in such a bad mood

I’ve been trying to call my mom all day, and she finally just answered.

Emily pissed me off, so I pissed her off. I told her not to come back, and she did to say bye.

Andrew’s fucking phone is off, and I know it’s because he is visiting family in NY, and I know it’s because he doesn’t want to talk to me while he is there, but he can at least answer and tell me that he is busy.

I just got back from Sarah’s, and she didn’t piss me off. But there was thins guy in front of me in the fast lane. He was swerving all over. I was flashing my lights at him because he was doing 60mph, and I finally was able to pass him and he started to speed up like he was pissed that I passed him. Did he get past me? No!

I am so stressed out. I am going to bitch Andrew out when I talk to him. No… I will say it nicely, because I cannot be psycho, but I want to bitch him out. I probably won’t be able to talk to him until Monday. He better have forgot his charger or something.

His phone has been off all day. I only tried to call him twice, but I have a way of knowing if it’s off or on. He knows this too.

Posted in Andrew, Family, Friends, Mom | 1 Comment »

Awwww

Emily’s friend, Corey, said that I look different the other night. He couldn’t figure out why. I said “do I look like I am losing weight”, and he said yes. He was saying I look pretty after he was drunk, but I think it’s because he was drunk.

Then my neighbor that has a crush on me just cam over. He said “It looks like you are losing weight. Why are you losing weight?” I told him that I just had weight loss surgery, and he said that it’s working.

That makes me feel so good.

Posted in Friends, General, Lap-Band Surgery | No Comments »

Tired

I am tired, but yesterday, I slept ALL day. Emily went to Richmond. I had all my Lamictal that I am supposed to have, my Geodon that I am supposed to have, one extra Trazodone, and 6 1mg Ativans. I woke up and I was still high. I don’t remember a thing Emily told me. I woke up for like 5 minutes when she was here.

I got two bills from my surgery. One for $158.00 from the hospital, and one for $57.00 from the Anesthesiologist. I guess I can’t complain after two bills I got totaling $25,000. It still sucks because I am broke.

Emily was real high after she took Ativan. She was talking crazy. I told her that Andrew’s roommate is hot, but he is married. She told me buy him a fish tank and put an eel in it, and he will look at it and think how cool I am and how much I love pets. I didn’t get high after I took it because I went right to bed. She is the only one I talk to about Andrew, besides my mom sometimes, and besides on here. Sarah is the one that usually asks me about him. Christy doesn’t like to talk about him, but she will ask me things sometimes.

Anyways, I don’t feel like talking about him.

I got the Sims 2 yesterday. It’s a lot better than the first one and a lot easier. You don’t have to tell them to do every fucking thing. They will do a lot of things on their own.

I am going to take a shower. Emily should be here soon.

Posted in Andrew, Family, Friends, Mom | 1 Comment »

Hi

I am kind of drunk. Emily went for a walk to the beach with her friend that she used to work with. I used to hang out with them, and we hang out every time she is here. We played RockBand for a long time. Emily got me Guitar Hero III for Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She also got me this key chain that has a real plant in it. They are Japanese, and she wanted me to find her one when she was in Japan, but I couldn’t find one anywhere, and most of the people in stores didn’t speak very good English. She found one online. Anyways, you water it once a month and it will stay alive. She also got me some bath gloves. She is the best.

We went 45 minutes away (Portsmouth) and it took us almost 2 hours to get there. I got us lost, then her sister got us lost. I also burnt a hole in her mom’s leather seat. I threw a cigarette out and it flew in her sister’s window in the back seat. We didn’t realize it until it started to smell in there. I was wondering how the hell Amanda (her sister) didn’t notice it, but it was my fault. I feel real bad Hopefully her mom won’t be too mad, but she is really nice.

Emily is going to Richmond tomorrow, and I am not going. She is going to see a friend that is a real bad heroin addict, and I don’t want to be around it.

We went to the mall, and I bought a pair of sweat pants from American Eagle and one from Aeropostale. I need to wear them because my Jeans don’t fit me, and I am NOT buying new jeans when I am going to lose more weight. I also got a pair of flip flops from Journeys. The sweat pants are real cute, but I have the usual problem… THEY ARE TOO LONG! It’s so annoying. The ones from AE were expensive, but the ones from Aeropostale were $10.00!!!!! I looked for some in VS, and there were more I liked in the 2 stores I bought one from, but they all were small or extra small. I am guessing the larger sizes are all sold out because if Christmas and the after Christmas sales. All Americans are fat (just kidding), so they must have taken the large sizes.

Kelley and Emily told me I should get Yellow Tail wine, and the guy at Target told me it was good. I bought some tonight, but I didn’t drink it because I still had some left.

I am getting tired. Good night.

Posted in Friends | 1 Comment »

Blah

I need to change my payment due date for one of my credit cards and my car insurance. Capital One said the wait was longer than 10 minutes, but someone picked up in less than two. It is absolutely ridiculous that Capital One has no option on talking to customer service. You hit “0″ and it tells you it’s not an option, but if you hit it over and over they will transfer you to someone. I hate calling places that have a million menus to go through. I always want to talk to someone because most of the time, there is not option for what I want.

I didn’t even gain one pound from eating not so healthy on Christmas Eve and Christmas. I don’t know why the hell I gained 4 pounds on Thanksgiving, and I ate less. I am guessing it’s because I hadn’t got my band filled yet, and they said you may gain weight before you get your band filled. I really don’t know.

Emily will be here today. Yayyyy. I’ll just call her once, since she is driving. Actually, she doesn’t mind driving and talking on the cell phone. But I know she won’t want to because her mom and sister will be in the car with her. Her sister and mom are staying at her aunts house.

My mom has been FREAKING out all day today. First she called Wachovia because she never got a bill for her mortgage. They told her that she hasn’t paid it in 3 months and she called me being all rude and crying. She NEVER pays one bill late. It is so important to her. I can understand how important a mortgage payment is, for your credit and a roof over your head. But they fixed it. Now she is freaking out this second because my dad went to the bank an hour and a half ago, and he’s not home yet. It’s raining really bad here so she thinks he has gotten in a car accident. She freaks out over stuff more than me. She just worries about everything, and it really gets on my nerves because she is always a bitch to me. Now were back to the I can’t have money anymore. I asked her for my Bank of America credit card, and she freaked out. I need money to do stuff with Emily while she is here. I am not going to go on a shopping spree, or even shopping.

My brother called me yesterday. Today is his 23rd birthday. He told me that Stephanie claimed she was pregnant. They used a condom, but one broke. She said that she went to the doctor and got a pregnancy test and an ultrasound, and they told her that she was pregnant. Then my mom told her how it was, and she emailed TJ and said “I got my period; you are off the hook”. How can you get a pregnancy test (especially if it was a blood test) and not be pregnant. That I may be able to understand, at least if it was a pee test, but I don’t think you can see a baby in an ultrasound that isn’t there. I doubt any of this is true, but I am wondering if my brother didn’t use a condom, and he just didn’t want to tell us. I also wonder if she really is pregnant but she doesn’t want to tell TJ. I seriously doubt that one. She is a pathological liar. How can people be like that? I feel so stupid when I get caught in a lie, not that I do it very often, then I always admit the truth because I don’t want to lie to get out of some dumb lie for a long time. I have lied to Andrew before to cover my ass and to piss him off, but he knows the truth now. I don’t ever lie to my friends. I lie to my mom to cover my ass, mostly when it comes to money. I lie when people ask me if something makes them look fat.

I can’t get my Bluetooth headset to connect to my phone They both are Motorola. I will call support today, but I seriously doubt that I am doing anything wrong. It is really simple. It’s probably not compatible. Actually, I won’t call support today. I have to wait to go to my mom’s to user her phone. I am not using my Sidekick at 20 cents a minute, and I can’t use the phone I want to connect it to.

My parents wouldn’t bring my desk chair over last night They told me they would bring it today, but it is raining. It won’t fit on my car. Hmmmm, I wonder if it will if I put the passenger seat down. I don’t want to carry it out in the rain, so I guess I’ll wait. I actually never sit in my desk chair anymore, now that I have a laptop.

I’m going to clean so it will be clean in here when Emily gets here.

Posted in (Step)Dad, Andrew, Family, Friends, Mom, TJ | No Comments »

I am blessed

Christmas was great. Christy’s dad is really nice. He flew in from CA because that’s where he lives. His flight got delayed, and it took him 13 hours to get here. That is a whole freaking flight to Japan. Bryan loved his cars and everything he got. Kam especially loved her Roxy purse and this fucking annoying as shit FurReal Bird. She played with the bird ALL DAY LONG, and she would not go anywhere without it.

My mom got me a fucking plunger because honestly, I borrowed hers because I was flushing Clorox Wipes down my toilet and it got clogged. My toilet never gets clogged. Kind of embarrassing. Christy’s dad also had to take a picture of me holding the plunger. I hate pictures of me, and me holding a plunger is even worse. She wasted money buying a nice plunger as a joke. I don’t even need one. It’s going in my closet where the water heater is.

I got some REALLY NICE stuff. I feel very blessed and felt bad for all the kids that didn’t get presents today.

That thing that I was wondering about… I had NO clue what it was. I would have never guessed it in a million years. It is the nicest real leather (even smells like leather) desk chair. I always tell my parents how much I like their desk chair.

These are some of my favorite presents. I was so jealous when my mom told me that my brother bought her a Coach purse, AND HE BOUGHT ME ONE TOO. I am so over my large Coach purse. I would have never bought another one either because they’re too expensive. Christy got me the Victoria’s Secret pajamas. My mom bought me the slippers that match. My mom also bought me a brown Coach wallet before she knew that my brother bought me a black Coach purse.

My brother bought me this perfume, and it smells really good.

My mom knew my favorite sheets to get me. I have two pairs already, but I burnt a hole in one of them. I probably won’t throw them away because I can justify throwing away sheets with a cigarette burn on them.

I really do believe that it’s the thought that counts, but the award for the worst gift goes to my uncle. I HATE Christmas stuff for Christmas, and they are really ugly. It’s a set of Christmas towels. I don’t want to throw them away, but I will never use them… even next Christmas.

I got a bunch of other things like a fragrance diffuser, linen spray, body wash and lotion from Christy’s dad, a bluetooth headset, workout pants (Yes! I had to buy a large and not and XL), Victoria’s Secret shampoo and body spray. I felt bad because Christy and Jake told my mom not to buy her dad anything because he will feel bad and he’s probably not getting us anything. But he bought me the lotion set any my parents candy. My mom did get him $10.00 worth of lottery tickets anyways. She thought that she had to get him something, and she didn’t want to make him feel bad.

The gifts I gave are:

The most ridiculous one - Andrew- A PS3
Emily- An iPod (she will be here tomorrow)
Christy- A margarita mix set thing
Jake- A Best Buy gift card
Kam- A big fuzzy thing you color with markers
Bryan- An outfit

Christy and Jake got my mom a chocolate fondue fountain thing (crazy, but she wanted it) and a robe. I know she’ll never use the chocolate thing, but she seriously asked for it. They got my dad a gift certificate to Dick’s Sporting Goods because that’s where he gets all his clothes.

The kids got a million fucking toys from my mom and dad. Christy and Jake got Kam a Nintendo DS and a bunch of other stuff for Kam and Bryan.

Sorry I just had to type all of that out. I LOVE Christmas so much. I am still like a little kid. My parents love Christmas more than me, and that’s probably where I get it from. Their house is full of Christmas stuff, but they usually never buy each other anything.

One more picture. Our table for Christmas: (the table kind of looks pretty, but there’s too much shit going on)

Posted in (Step)Dad, Andrew, Family, Friends, Mom, TJ | 5 Comments »

Merry Christmas!

Of course I was up at 6am because I’m still like a little kid. It’s 7 now. I wonder if my parents are awake. They’ll probably kill me if I call them, so I’ll wait until 8. Actually, I wish I could go back to sleep.

I will celebrate by writing about Andrew. Come on, you have to forgive me, it’s Christmas.

I tried that Barenjager. It’s not honey rum like I was saying it was. He was talking about another bottle he has. Anyways, I hated it. Of course it was too strong for me. I’ll stick with Jegermeister and Red Bull. I should bring some wine over my parents, but I will probably be too tired to drink. The two times I drank wine, I didn’t even get drunk, but I didn’t drink that much. I get sick of it fast.

The other night I was being retarded and asked Andrew if he would ever smoke crack. I don’t think I said that exactly, but I said something similar. He looked at me all funny and said that he thought I was going to pull crack out of my drawer or something. I was just telling him that I would never be with him if he smoked crack. I don’t care that I like to abuse prescription drugs or if my friends do it, but I would never be with a guy that does drugs. I love him so much, but if he used drugs, I would never be with him. And I hope he knows me better than that. I would never smoke crack.

Leslie, if you read this, can you tell me if Ambien will show up in a drug test. It’s not for me; it’s for Andrew. He thinks that if he takes an Ambien that he will get busted by the Navy. It’s probably really dumb for him to. He will be high for like 5 minutes than fall asleep. I’m just saying it would suck for me. Knowing him, he will sleep for like 15 hours. He already sleeps a lot. Not on the weekdays, but he does on the weekends. He gets like 5 hours of sleep every weekday. I have no clue how he does it. He slept for 10 hours while he was over here. I kept hoping that he would wake up.

He really liked his Christmas present. BTW, it was a PS3. I am surprised he took it because he told me so many times that he didn’t want it.

You’re going to come over to get your present, right? You can’t really say no because I bought it for you already

No. I told you to not buy me anything and I don’t want anything

Well, you should come over anyways. You said that we’ll see how things go. And you never told me on the phone that you wouldn’t come get it, so it’s kind of mean for you not to. You had your chance to tell me on the phone, plenty of times.

But I never said I would come over to get it. And I did tell you not to buy me anything several times

Do you have any ideas about what your Christmas present is? I think I gave away too many hints.

$500+ is too much to spend on me

Well, fine, if I spend less will you come and get it? I’ll get you something from the dollar store… like you wanted.

I meant the only hint I have is that is cost over $500

He guessed what it was before he came over, but I lied to him and told him it wasn’t that. Everyone gave me such a hard time because I bought it for him, but it made me happy. I am not trying to buy his love; it just makes me happy. He even sent back everything I bought him before when we got in a fight. I bet he wouldn’t send that back to me, though lol.

Ummm there’s more stuff that I wanted to blog about, but I didn’t because everyone hates when I talk about him. I can’t remember now.

I just have to say something about the dumbest question I was EVER asked. Emily asked me that if someone farts around you, and you smell it, if you can get colon cancer in your nose from it. That has to be the dumbest thing I have ever heard.

15 more minutes until I can call my mom and dad.

Edit-
Damn it, my mom must be on the other line because her answering machine didn’t pick up. She is probably talking to my brother. I can’t just go over there because whatever that big present is, it’s under the Christmas tree unwrapped. They said it’s too large to wrap.
/Edit

Posted in (Step)Dad, Andrew, Family, Mom | 3 Comments »