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I am making a plan for tonight. I may do something evil. You guys will be shocked. But then again, it’s me we are talking about. I do some crazy ass shit. I shouldn’t do it, but I can’t help myself. I don’t know if the opportunity will arise, but I sure hope it does. It is probably a really bad idea, but it’s a twice in a lifetime opportunity lol. It will probably make someone really mad at me. I don’t know why I’ll do it when that someone is being nice to me. I’ll be drunk, that’s my excuse. No, Marie, don’t do it!!!!!! It’s a bad idea!!!!! But paybacks are a bitch. What do I doooooo?????
In September or October, when we were fighting really bad, Andrew claimed that he had a new girlfriend. I was SO hurt, but at the same time I didn’t believe him. I finally asked him if it was true, yesterday, and it wasn’t. I knew it. I only told Leslie, Emily, Sarah, Christy and my mom. She supposedly lived in North Carolina and he met her when he went to visit one of his friends. I wasn’t so worried about it, even if it was true, because he never goes there, and he doesn’t have time.
I may ruin EVERYTHING tonight, but I think it’s a chance worth taking. I think he deserves it. I am going to ruin everything I worked so hard for. I have been having second thoughts about being with him anyways. It may not even happen tonight, and in some ways I hope it doesn’t. But if the timing is right, it will.
Edit-
I agree with the comment Leslie wrote. I decided not to do it anyways. I don’t know if I am even going to be able to go out tonight. I am FIGHTING to stay awake… I mean FIGHTING!
February 15th, 2008 at 7:59 pm
Marie…
Dont do this bullshit. You are so much better than this and you have worked very hard to get where you are right now in the status of you and Andrew. Do not risk it. I completely understand that along with bipolar disorder comes a subconscious need for drama that makes you the center of attention, and it doesnt matter if it is negative attention or positive attention, but, listen..girl…
I have been here and I have gotten past all of this, but I am still struggling and I am going to tell you that with this disorder comes MANY MANY MANY opportunities for you to completely fuck your life up and a lot of those times..you will take those opportunities gladly…but with matters of the heart, you have to stop, clear your mind and LOGICALLY and RATIONALLY think. You dont want this. You do not want things to be bad between you and Andrew. No.
February 15th, 2008 at 9:55 pm
I’m glad you decided not to do it.
Thank you for joining the boards. I’ll make you a banner if you’d like, so that you can take advantage of the advertising.
February 16th, 2008 at 12:33 am
Yay! You gotta start having control over your impulses. Its very important.