Girl-Interrupted.net

I was all excited about my doctor giving me Adderall. I in no way, shape or form want to get high off of it. I was excited about being able to concentrate.

I went to fill the prescription, and they said my doctor needs to call in prior authorization I guess because it’s a narcotic?? So is Ambien, and they never had to call in. My insurance doesn’t even cover anti-anxiety meds. I think that is BS because anxiety is a real problem. I’ve only taken it a few times, and luckily the generic is only $15.00 (for 2 weeks). Still though, I wouldn’t want to pay that every month. That was just for one pill a day for 2 weeks. Some people need to take 4 pills a day or more, every day of the month.

My doctor asked me if I was asking for it to help me lose weight. Ummm… I seriously didn’t even know it did that. Looking at Sarah, I would have never guessed, but she’s been taking it since she was a kid. She told me to take 5mg for a few days, then increase it to 10mg. I think that is the lowest dose, which is fine by me because I do not want to feel my heart pounding out of my chest. She said it could cause sudden death if you have heart problems. I am pretty sure I don’t have heart problems, since I had 2 EKGs and a lot of tests before my surgery.

I decided I am not going to eat. Yep, I am officially anorexic, and not by choice. Maybe it is by choice. I am not really an anorexic though, or else I wouldn’t have needed the surgery.

I’ve been addicted to drinking coffee lately. It’s probably because I am sick of Crystal Light and water. I can’t have carbonated drinks. It’s the best taste I can get with 0 calories… except whatever the creamer has in it. I was using powdered, but I just went and bought some fat free Coffee Mate. I always used powdered because I would drink coffee twice a month or less, so the refrigerated kind would go bad. Splenda is great! It makes everything taste better. I have never tried any other kinds of artificial sweeteners… at least in years and years… but soda made with Splenda tastes a lot better than the crap made with Sweet’N Low.

I seriously don’t know why people don’t eat healthier. I guess it’s because they don’t know any better. I didn’t. But diet and light food is just as good as regular, and I mean it! I’ve tried low fat ice cream, fat free ice cream, light mayonnaise, reduced fat Cheez-Its, low fat string cheese, and so much more that I can’t think of. It all tastes great!!! They would make more if fat ass Americans would buy that shit. But they look at it and think it will be gross since it is low fat, fat free, or reduced fat. Not that it’s healthy to eat low fat ice cream and shit. I know it is still not healthy food, but it is better, if you are going to eat it anyways. I have just had a little, because it’s still not good for you, and because it’s what my nutritionist would call “empty calories”. You are eating, getting full, getting calories, but you get no nutrition out of it, when you need all the nutrition you can get after this surgery. Oh… and the best is Jello sugar free pudding. It has 60 calories, and they have caramel, chocolate and a million flavors that taste just a good as the real thing. If you want a candy bar, just eat sugar free chocolate pudding.

Honestly, I don’t know if this makes me a hypocrite, or if it gives me more of a right to say it, but it bugs me seeing people eat all this crappy food. It bugs me to hear that someone is eating pizza, McDonald’s, Wendy’s, desert, every freaking day. It does bug me more when people are overweight and eat it. It bugs me to see my mom and cousin do it. My mom is not 300 pounds, neither is my cousin. My cousin weighs 190, and my mom weighs 180, but still.

This surgery definitely changed my life. It’s been 5 months since I had it, and I have not gone back to eating the way I did before, but I have wanted to SO bad sometimes. It’s hard to go the grocery store and walk past the bakery. I CANNOT imagine living with someone else and having kids. I think that would even make me break down.

I am not losing all this weight by eating crap, but just eating less of it. I am far ahead of people that have had my surgery. Did you know with Lap-Band surgery, the average weight loss is 4-8 pounds a month? Sometimes I lose double that. You are not even supposed to lose more or you don’t get a fill. Sure, I am anorexic at the moment lol, but I have been able to eat. I just eat more healthy. I can’t brag that much, because I do throw up a lot. Sometimes I throw up, and sometimes I don’t.

It just makes me upset to think that some people that want this surgery are going to continue to eat the way they did before, and they are not going to be very successful. People on the Lap-Band forum complain all the time that they are not losing weight. Maybe with gastric bypass you can eat whatever the fuck you want and still lose massive amounts of weight. It’s not the same with Lap-Band. You can also gain all the weight back, and then some (with any WLS).

I am glad I didn’t have gastric bypass. There would be a 1 in 100 chance I could be dead right now. I know a lot of people, who know people, that have died from it. My mom’s friend almost died last month. She had a 50% chance of living, and luckily she lived. My next door neighbor’s mom died from it. There’s nothing wrong with it, and for some people it’s their only chance. I am not trying to make a point… I am just rambling. You have to be under a certain weight to have Lap-Band, so it’s not like some people have a choice. My good online friend, they made her dad lose 30 pounds before he could have it. I am not sure what the weight, or probably more like BMI, is. I know I had to be over 205 pounds to have the surgery at my height. I fucked around with the calculator on the Lap-Band website.

I am not trying to preach or make myself sound perfect. I am not exactly doing it by the book either. Some days I get 3 grams of protein or less!!!!! I am supposed to get 60!!!!!! I’ve barely been going to the gym. I know someone that wants Lap-Band, and I don’t want people to believe that it is all easy and crap. It is far from easy. I am in pain a lot of the time. I want to cry sometimes because I am so hungry, and when I try to eat I want to cry because it hurts so bad. I actually did break down and cry when I went out to eat with my family when I first had the surgery. I mean… I was bawling. I had to leave the table and sit in my mom’s truck and cry and cry. Yeah, it is easier than the old fashioned way, but it still is not easy.

This post is really long, and I don’t know if it makes any sense or makes me look stupid. I probably sound like an uneducated hypocrite. Oh well… fuck it all.

This entry was posted on Thursday, April 17th, 2008 at 3:06 pm and is filed under Health, Lap-Band Surgery, Medication. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.