Nothing
I was in a HORRIBLE, MISERABLE, DEPRESSED mood all day today. I didn’t post on here or even tweet. I was signed off on all my messengers almost all day. I was still nice to my mom though. I basically sat on the phone with her and didn’t say anything because if I did it wouldn’t have been nice. I am depressed again, and I don’t know why because I am usually happy around this time. The sun is out longer, and it’s warm and nice outside. I just got home from NY, and I was busy and doing stuff, so that should have made me feel better also. I think it’s because I stopped taking one of my meds. I am taking one that is in the same class of drugs, but once I stopped the other one completely, I felt depressed. I felt better after I took the new one tonight. I am used to taking the other one earlier, but I have to take this one later because it makes me so tired. But I am still having a hard time sleeping, and sometimes I take double the dose, and I hate doing that, but I do it all the time because I can’t stand not being able to sleep.
They freaking never called me back about getting some liquid taken out of my band, and I was too miserable to call or even care. I am SO dreading driving to Norfolk General to see my surgeon. It makes me not even want to go. I don’t know why, but one of my biggest fears is getting lost, and I have absolutely NO sense of direction. Christy and others that haven’t lived here that long know this area better than me. I know how to get to a few places, and that’s it. I have lived here all my life, so I have NO clue why. I hate driving to other cities because the interstate is so confusing. I make all of my friends drive when I am with them, even if we are in my car. Stupid GPS had to get stolen 
I should just buy a new one, but it pisses me off so bad. I should just keep it in here until I need it. I know I may forget it, and I’m sure it will get stolen again. I don’t even listen to my iPod in my car anymore because I am scared I’ll forget to bring it in. Stupid theaves. It’s so freaking wrong.
I am still very pissed over that note on my door. I haven’t seen any of my neighbors outside, and I plan on not saying hi to any of them because they all are suspects. Except for maybe 2 people who I know would not do it. I am wondering if it’s the guy who cuts the grass because he stopped being so friendly to me, but he seemed so nice and kind of dumb and redneck-ish, but it’s not like I really know him. I should have saved the note. You really couldn’t tell if it was a mans or womans handwriting. Probably more of a womans because men write messy, but not always, so I don’t know. I was thinking I should have kept it in case something happened. I’m sure I am just paranoid, but I was thinking someone could be evil and call animal control and say my dogs bit them or something to get me in trouble and my dogs possibly taken away. It was a fucking rude ass note, so who knows. I am a VERY forgiving person, but I would go off on them. I will be pissed off about this for a LONG time, if not forever.
I don’t think I want a tattoo anymore. It seems like a waste of money. I don’t know why I am being so cheap lately. I usually spend money like crazy and don’t think twice about it. It’s probably that I am not fixated on buying anything right now. When I want something it’s the end of the world if I can’t have it. I wish I could be content with what I have and small things in life. Sometimes I think “well at least I have two legs, two arms and am healthy.” I try to think positive sometimes.
I am getting so much freaking spam from sites I am a member of, such as stickam, drugstore.com and the lap-band forum, no matter how many times I try to unsubscribe. Drugstore.com says I have no subscriptions. It’s been happening for months. I hate spam. I get pissed off if I get one spam email. Mostly because I don’t erase any of my email since gmail is so great, and it goes into my archives, and my computer makes a noise when I get a new email. It’s so weird, but every time I hear my computer go “mail call”, it reminds me of Randy because of how much we used to talk, and 99% of the time when it did that it was from Randy. I just started using my desktop again, and I couldn’t use the sound when I was on my Mac, so it reminds me of the old days. It’s kind of sad and depressing because I don’t like thinking of those old days with Andrew. Maybe it’s this way with everyone, but lots of things remind me of my past. Stuff like perfume and everything. I don’t like it. Thinking of any of my past is painful, even though I had great parents and all. I would not live my life over. That would be the worst hell. My whole life has been a struggle. I struggle to make it through each day without going insane. I don’t want to get old, but I still wouldn’t live my life over. I have been through HARD times, and only because I am bipolar and cause them myself. I am most definitely my own worst enemy.
I lost 2 pounds when I was in NY. That’s all.
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