Girl-Interrupted.net

Probably a really long post

I am still so mad about the dog poop thing. I still hope and pray they got the notes left on my door. I want to post another one just in case, but I’ll try to resist. Telling me that you are going to call animal control is like someone telling you parents that they are going to take your kids away from you or call child protective services on you. Okay, I love my dogs SOOOOO much. I still know that I will love my kids more though, so it’s not the exact same, but it is pretty close.

I am the kind of person that will do the the opposite of what you tell me to do because I hate being told what to do. I want to live my dogs crap out there all day long, just to piss them off. I’ve been putting the poop bag in my pocket, so in case they see me, they will think that I have nothing to pick it up with.

New York was cool. I mean, it’s wasn’t all that great, but it was good to get away and see family. It’s a small town blocks from Buffalo. The economy is so bad. They closed down a lot of fun things you used to be able to do there. There’s no jobs, from what I hear. It’s like a poor place compared to Virginia Beach. Houses that cost $500,000 there would probably cost $1,000,000 here. There’s barely any traffic. It takes a few minutes to get from one city to the next. It’s depressing there, which my mom always told me. I’ve been there and to Niagara Falls before, but not since I was a teenager.

My aunt showed me the high school my grandfather (my birth father’s dad) was the principal of and they all went to. Kind of funny, my mom married her principals son, and that he turned out to be a crack head. I almost spelled that “principle”, but I remembered the principal is your pal lol. My dad’s family lives somewhere up there in NY. I don’t talk to them. We just kind of lost touch. I saw them last when I was 13, and that’s the last time I talked to them. They are EXTREMELY religious. My mom’s family is too, but no where near the degree they are. My uncle (dad’s brother) used to read the Bible to me.

I hate flying. Taking off scares me the most. Every time something happens, I think we’re going to crash. Every time we slow down, speed up, tilt, go higher, go lower, the vibrations stop, the vibrations start, the engines or whatever stop making a noise. If we hit turbulence, I’d be the one screaming “we’re all going to die!”

My parents apparently spent all weekend with Christy and her family. My dad went to some NASCAR race with her dad in Richmond on Saturday. They didn’t get home until 4am! Christy just called me freaking out because she doesn’t know if she left her purse over my mom’s, and my mom is in bed and not answering. She would definitely lose her head if it wasn’t attached. She constantly loses stuff. Maybe it’s because she has kids and works a lot. My mom got a myspace (embarrassing), and Christy put her on her top 8 lol. She’s not even on mine or my brother’s top 8. I feel bad because I treat her so badly, and I do love her SOOOO much. She’s the only person in this world that I could not live without… literally. My brother doesn’t treat her bad. I tried hard today to be nice to her because I don’t want her to die/be dying and think of how I treated her bad. I want her to know how much I love her.

Posted in Birth Father, Family, Friends, Mom | No Comments »

Back

I’m back from my vacation, and now my miserable life can resume.

My apartment was a fucking mess when I walked in the door. The coffee table was moved across the room. Maybe they were playing RockBand or something and needed the drums, if not, I have no fucking clue why. My AC was on full blast and it was fucking freezing in here, and it still is. My TV was on and the volume was up way high. There was dog piss EVERYWHERE.

I’m sure my cousin (that my mom adopted) was taking the dogs out, and she is a lazy fat fuck. I bet she didn’t pick up the dog shit outside like I told her to do. I just got yelled at by my landlord before I left about doing that. My mom said my cousin cleaned the kitchen. Reallyyyyyyyyy????????? It’s fucking disgusting. Shit all over the counter, crumbs, receipts, dirty marks on the floor like liquid was spilled. She is seriously one LAZY ass bitch. She doesn’t do anything right. Not that I expected her to clean, but if you’re going to say you did, at least do it right.

Like when she stays the night, Andy will jump out of the bed because she is awake, and he needs to go out as soon as he wakes up. Well, she lets him piss and shit on the floor instead of taking him out when I am sleeping. My dogs are not perfect, but they will not piss and shit if you take them out like you are supposed to.

There’s this girl… I don’t know her URL, not that I would say. I’ve seen her avatar on flickr and twitter, and she is ugly. Ugly people should not make ugly faces. I think most people in this world are pretty or at least average looking, but some people’s looks annoy the fuck out of me. And it’s not that they are hideous or anything, just something about them drives me crazy.

Speaking of ugly people… my cousin in NY is fat, ugly, and has a horrible personality, and her fiance is HOT! My aunt always says she is witty. I didn’t see an ounce of wit. I remember she stayed with us for a little while when I was like 19, and she annoyed the fuck out of me then. We went to a gay bar together, and she was so embarrassing.

I love my aunt though, and my cousin that is schizophrenic and has a learning disability. Oh, I love my uncle too. I love my other cousin that came here twice last summer. She is funny, full figured, and still pretty. She was a little annoying, but not too bad. My aunt totally spoils me. She spoils her whole family. Other than that, my aunt and mom don’t talk to any other family they have, and they have a huge family.

I am such a bitch, I know. I am not claiming I am perfect.

Can you tell I am in a bad mood? I would have been fine if my apartment wasn’t a mess. I am not too tired.

My cousin (that my mom adopted) has been coming here. I know she was a while ago, but I think my mom may have discovered my site also, so guess whose IP I am about to ban. They’ll be too stupid to use a proxy, and they probably won’t even figure out they are banned. Oh yeah… I guess I should take out the custom forbidden page.

Posted in Bad Day, Family, Mom | 3 Comments »

Damn, all of my posts are like really long now

No fair… my brother is going to Dublin, Ireland and Amsterdam for 3 weeks when he moves back here. I wish he would ask me to go so bad, but I am poor anyways. Maybe if I didn’t run my credit card up again. Why did I have to do that? Do you ever spend a lot of money, and you’re like… “hmmmm, what did I spend it on?” All I can remember is my MacBook Pro. I wonder if he’s going to smoke pot. He has a long vacation until he has to go back to work. I don’t think he would, though, because he’s not like that. But that’s why everyone wants to go to Amsterdam, at least the dumb people I know… or used to know. If I went to Amsterdam, I can guarantee that I would not smoke pot. I hate pot. It gives me really bad anxiety. I smoked it with Emily a while ago, and I only did it because she gave me some anxiety pills to take before we smoked it. Pot used to be great when I was younger, but not anymore. I quit when I was 16. Lots of people that used to smoke pot tell me the same thing. They say that they don’t like it anymore because it makes them paranoid. It makes me paranoid too, but it’s more like anxiety.

I don’t know how I was able to eat a lot of chili last night, when the day before I was throwing up ice cream. I have ate solid stuff a few times, but most of the time I can’t. Maybe I’ll try to get some sushi tonight. My band is really so tight in the morning. I can’t eat anything in the mornings. It hurts when I take large sips in the morning. It was so weird that I was starving after I ate it too. I probably could have ate 2 or 3 of them., and that’s a lot of food, even for someone who hasn’t had weight loss surgery. Maybe not 3 of them, but I could have ate some more. I know if I get some sushi tonight, and I can’t eat it, I’ll be forcing myself to because it is SO good.

Dude, the iPhone is a piece of SHIT!!!! I have been with AT&T/Cingular/Suncom since I was 18. That’s 7 years, and I have ALWAYS had PERFECT reception with EVERY phone I have EVER had. I have had a lot of phones too. Well, I was wondering why no one has called me today, especially my mom, and I try to make a phone call, and I have no signal. This happened the other day. Two people told me that my phone calls were going to voicemail, and I could not make any phone calls for about an hour after I woke up. Well, it’s been a while since I woke up, and still no signal. I just turned it off and back on, and then I had a signal. I just called my mom, and yeah, she tried to call, and it went right to voicemail.

I need to go shopping I never go shopping anymore. It’s because my check card is declining, and then I can’t tell my mom that I spent money I don’t have and ask her for it. I am going to try it right now online. I am going to try to buy the Projekt Revolution tickets. Grrrrr it declined. I got one overdraft fee, and now it declines. It did this once before, and then it started working again. I know… I am so bad. OMG, I wasn’t even paying attention. A $6.00 parking fee and an $8.95 convenience fee, for each ticket! What a rip off. So two $20.95 tickets were $70.00. WTF is a convenience fee? Because I am buying them online? My stupid electric company charges that when you pay your bill online. You’d think it would be easier on them if you pay it online.

God, this stupid guy I met keeps asking me if he can come over almost every day. I keep telling him I have a boyfriend, and his whole agenda last time he came over was to make out with me, but I didn’t. Then when I was mad at Steve the other day he said we should date. It’s so funny how much more guys like me now. I thought I would be bitter about it and think “they wouldn’t have liked me when I was fat”, but I don’t really care. One time he said “we can just lie in bed and talk” haha.

I don’t take pictures of myself still…. like full body pictures. I still feel SO fat. When I look in the mirror I don’t see that I have lost any weight, especially in my face, but people tell me I have lost a lot in my face. Maybe I have, but my face is still so fat. I wish I could get liposuction on my face. I wish I could get a boob job and a tummy tuck. I will be able to get a boob job after I lose all my weight. For that, I am definitely going to quit smoking. Only because I could barely breathe when I woke up from my last surgery, and they had to gave me some asthma medicine, and because you get cut big time, and you don’t heal as well when you smoke. I just looked it up. They gave me Albuterol. My mom’s friend that had gastric bypass just got the skin removed from her arms, that’s it, and it cost $8,000. Insurance will pay for tummy tucks and full body lifts sometimes, but I don’t think mine is severe enough. I’ve lost a little bit in my boobs, but not much. My old bras were wayyyy to big on me though.

All the new Victoria Secret underwear I bought, they won’t stay on me. They fall down, ask Steve. It pisses me off because it’s not like you can give your underwear away lol. If I can’t use something, it makes me feel better to give it away, so I feel like I totally didn’t waste the money. Even if it’s to a thrift store. I don’t like wasting money, even though I do it all the time. I take REALLY good care of my belongings. I never lose or ruin anything, unlike my brother. It pisses me off so bad still that my GPS was stolen. I don’t want to buy another one because I already bought one, and it doesn’t feel right. I don’t even listen to my iPod in my car anymore because I am scared I will forget to take it in, and whoever broke into my car probably saw my AM/FM transmitter (if they realized what it was. they could have thought it was a cellphone charger). I am surprised they didn’t steal that. Thieves will take whatever they can get. I think stealing is SOOOOOO wrong. I don’t steal from stores or anything, but that doesn’t bother me as much because they rip you off anyways. I would never steal from a store because I wouldn’t want to get caught, but if you could guarantee that I wouldn’t get caught, I’d probably do it. I think it is SOOOOOOOOO wrong to steal from a person though. People work hard for what they have. I buy stuff that I don’t have the money for, so it pisses me off even more.

It’s probably because I have seen my parents work SO hard for what they have. They had shitty jobs when I was younger and worked their way up, and they are HARD workers. They worked for and deserve every single thing they own. That’s a lot more than I can say for myself. They never asked anyone for money, and they go to work every single day and work their asses off. Now they don’t work as much because they have better jobs, but they still work hard. I wonder why it didn’t rub off on me. Probably because my mom gives me anything and everything I want. Even when we were poor, both of my parents always made sure we had everything, and put my brother and I before them. They always called me selfish. I don’t think they meant with material things either. I am selfish because I expect everything from everybody, and I don’t mean money. My brother turned out A LOT better than I did. I don’t think it’s always the way you were raised that determines the adult you become. I have seen people come from shitty homes, and they turn out great. I have seen people come from great homes, and they turn out all fucked up. I have seen people with great brothers and sisters, but they are all fucked up. Emily’s sister is a lot like me. She expects everything from her mom and doesn’t work, but Emily works really hard.

Well, I am going to get some money from my mom Seriously. Bye bye.

Posted in (Step)Dad, Family, Friends, Lap-Band Surgery, Mom, TJ | 1 Comment »

Jjjksad

You would think I’d take more pictures of myself now that I am skinnier. I only take pictures with my webcam because I can see how it is going to look. I am the same size as Christy, and I always thought she looks skinny. I am still hard on myself.

Andy woke me up a million times. I don’t know why, but he is shaking constantly. Not shaking like he is nervous, shaking like dogs shake when they get wet. It happened one time before. I think it has to do with his crate because I put him in it for the first time in a long time last night. The other time he was also in his crate. He was doing it when he got out too. I mean non-stop. I am thinking it’s because he itches, but my dogs most definitely do not have fleas. He is sleeping now and has stopped.

I am so tired. I couldn’t sleep well last night. Maybe because I took a nap until 12am. I don’t know what I am going to do today. I am NOT going shopping. Okay… maybe I will. No… I won’t.

You know how I kind of have a shopping problem? My parents left all their life insurance money to my brother lol. He is supposed to give me a certain amount each month. I don’t even know how much he is supposed to give me. My mom has crap for life insurance since she has had cancer (skin cancer). My dad has a lot. I know my brother would give me the money. He is honest and trustworthy and loves me and my mom more than anything in the world. I also get my brother’s life insurance, after my mom, if he ever died.

I think I need a new wireless router. The one I have wouldn’t even work with Tiger. I know that because they gave me my MacBook Pro with it on there and the upgrade CD. It works with Leopard but goes out a lot. It’s not enough of an annoyance to buy a new one. It only happens every once in a while, but it has been happening a lot this morning. I hate when it happens at night and I am signed on AIM. AIM for Mac makes a noise when you connect, and it will wake me up when it is trying to reconnect.

Andrew is leaving tomorrow, and I don’t think he has time to come see me. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to feel. I was wayyyy more upset when Chris broke up with me, so maybe I’ll be okay. I am 100% over Chris now. It’s just so hard to get over him and continue to talk to him and see him. I won’t be seeing him anymore, but I’ll still be talking to him. When Chris and I first broke up, he moved in with two of his friends that I HATED!!!! So I never went to see him once. Then he ended up moving to Arizona, and I had no phone number for him, so it was easy. Dede went to NY and left the country to play soccer. But I still feel like it’s the end of the world with Andrew. I feel like I will never get over him. I know I will because you always do, but I hate feeling this way right now.

I can’t wait to go to NY. My aunt is great. Everyone always feel sorry for me and pays for me to come see them lol. TJ did it so I could go to Japan, Babz has done it multiple times for me to go see her near DC, and my aunt just did it.

I am bored. I don’t want to end this post. I don’t want to go back to the mall. People that work there are getting to know me. Yesterday the girl at Mac asked me if I was feeling better. I told her I was having a bad day the other day. The girl at American Eagle asked me if she was going to see me everyday. It’s kind of embarrassing. There is absolutely nothing I need.

I missed my knitting class last Wednesday because Andrew upset me.

Okay. Bye.

Posted in (Step)Dad, Andrew, Family, Mom, TJ | No Comments »

Ugh

I am supposed to be getting ready to go shopping, but my body hurts.

I am going to Buffalo, NY at the beginning of May. My aunt bought me a ticket. My mom’s family lives there. I am so excited. I love traveling. My aunt is also really cool. She’s a redhead too. I get to see my cousin who is schizophrenic and has a learning disability. He is so funny. At least I won’t be fat when I see my whole family. I’ll still be a little fat, but oh well.

You know that guy I met? When I got really drunk last night, I told him about Andrew. He wasn’t too happy. He really likes me, and I am going to give him a chance. He is cute and really nice. But if Andrew changes his mind, I would leave him in a second.

I am going shopping at some shops by where my mom is dropping my cousin off for a birthday party. I don’t even know what is there. I wish she would go to the mall with me, but she won’t, probably because she got drunk last night.

I am so tired. I have to get ready now.

Set your clocks ahead.

Posted in Andrew, Family, Mom | No Comments »

Hhsdahjasd

I am so miserable. I am back to being depressed again. I am starting to understand Andrew better. I want to listen to angry music, just like him. I can’t talk to anyone, just like him. I made my mom cry today and I didn’t care, something he does to me. I don’t want to go anywhere, just like him. The last few times he has been over here, he has been really depressed. I know it’s him and not me, now. Until like a couple weeks ago, for almost 2 years, I thought it was my fault. I thought there was something wrong with me. “Am I too fat?” “Am I too ugly?” That’s all I thought. I can’t believe that I believed that for over 1 year and 7 months. I seriously believed that every-single-day. The thought NEVER entered my mind that maybe it’s him. He tried to tell me, but I didn’t believe him. I still think it’s me in some ways. “What if I was perfect looking?” “What if I weighed 110 pounds and looked like a Barbi?” I now know that Andrew doesn’t think I am ugly, after a recent conversation I had with him. What am I talking about? I still believe it’s me. If some other girl was in love with him, then he’d treat her better.

Andrew knows EVERYTHING bad about me. He knows stuff I don’t even post on here. I don’t think any other guy would want to be with me once they find out everything bad about me. It doesn’t even matter. I can’t even give any other guys a chance. I feel nothing when I talk to other guys. I felt nothing when I kissed that guy. I don’t like talking to him on the phone. He annoys me. I can’t come up with anything to say to him. I am not interested. I don’t give a fuck. I just want to tell him something bad so he won’t like me anymore. I want to like him… but I can’t.

I keep calling my mom, then I’ll sit there on the phone and say absolutely nothing for 5 minutes straight. Then later, I’ll think I am in a better mood, and I’ll call her back, then I find out that I still have nothing to say.

Sometimes I seem like I am happy on this blog… I guess. I am not. I am a miserable person. Ask my mom. Ask Emily, my best friend. They know how miserable I am. I treat them like shit, just like Andrew treats me like shit. Why do I complain about him so much when I do the same thing to other people? He is the only person I am nice to.

I don’t want to be friends with Christy anymore. Sarah is alright, but I don’t want to hang out with her. I will always want to be friends with Emily, but I treat her like shit.

One day my mom is going to die, and I am going to have to live with how I treated her when she was alive. I love her more than it is possible to love someone, but I am so miserable that I treat her like I hate her. She tried to talk to me today, but I couldn’t talk. She was just getting on my nerves with her questions, so she started crying. I told her to just give me some money so I can leave. It totally reminds me of Andrew. I know he cares about me, but he is miserable just like me.

I guess some of it is just because I am depressed. I am not always miserable and in a bad mood. I do have an attitude problem a lot of the time, but sometimes I am nice to people. Not liking any other guys has nothing to do with me being depressed. I couldn’t see any guys for a long time after Chris broke up with me.

Enough about that. Other than this morning, the last 3 mornings in a row, my neighbors and I have woken up to shit on the walkway in front of our apartments. It looked like a large dog did it. My neighbors believed that a human was doing it. I don’t know, but it was gross. The last day it was smack in front of my door. My nosy neighbor picked it up for me. It made to scared to take my dogs out at 2am last night just thinking that there may be some sicko outside shitting on the sidewalk. Dogs usually don’t poop on cement. I don’t see stray dogs around here. I wonder if there was a reason it was in front of my door. Maybe someone hates me. I really wonder if it was a person or a dog. I live in the city, so there’s no telling. I hate taking my dogs out in the middle of the night. This area is not too bad, but there will be a million dollar house next to a hotel that crack heads stay at (at least in the winter when they are cheap to stay in). There are a lot of weirdos out at night here. There are some homeless people. I have NO clue why someone would want to live in a million dollar house down here at the beach. I hate it. Too many drunks, too much traffic, etc.

My mom got the number for some big guy at Stihl (they make chainsaws and tools. it’s a factory.) for Andrew. He applied for a job there. Her boss knows some guy there. It’s like really hard to get a job there, and they pay really good money. Actually, Andrew’s roommate and his roommate’s wife works there, so I don’t know why Andrew said that they couldn’t help him get a job there. My brother worked there before he joined the Navy. Andrew wants some technician job there or something. I don’t know. I don’t know if he will even call the guy because he is an idiot like that. He is not a go-getter. I haven’t talked to him about it yet.

Posted in Andrew, Bad Day, Bipolar, Family, Friends, Health, Mom | 2 Comments »

What a day

Sooooo… today has been the day from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First of all, Andrew did go out the other night. He drank some absinthe that he got from Spain. I am not too happy about that. He drank it at like 7:30pm, and he doesn’t remember anything that happened after that. He said he is never drinking it again. What he explained to me was pretty crazy. All of it was what his friends told him, since he doesn’t remember anything.

When I talked to him yesterday, I was back a asking my ridiculous questions. I asked him if he would ever cheat on me… which I have asked him a million times before. He has always said “No!” firmly. Last night he said that he would if he thought he wouldn’t get caught. I was so pissed off, but I let it slide. So today I get this hair up my ass and decide that I don’t want to be with him anymore. I call him and he answers. I tell him that I need to talk to him about something in person. He kept bugging me to tell him what it is. I wouldn’t tell him. So he says “fine, if you don’t want to tell me then there’s no sense in us talking on the phone.” He didn’t hang up on me, we just got off the phone. So I call him later and he is still mad that I won’t tell him, then I ask him about the cheating on me thing again, and he says that he wouldn’t. So we make up, and I told him that I didn’t want to be with him anymore, but I had changed my mind. I said “aren’t you going to say something smart ass about it, like ‘too bad’?” He said “no.” So everything is fine, and I do believe that he would never cheat on me, but he is a guy, and I don’t trust ANY guys. If he cheats on me, it’s okay… because I will go PP-SS-YY-CC-HH-OO!!!!! I will leave him and take everything we freaking own… including Mr. President (the dog he wants). He claims I can have everything but the dog if I leave him. I guess you can’t worry about it until it happens. I just have to trust what he says. If it does happen, it will be fine, seriously, because I will lose all feelings I have for him at that very moment. It will be something right out of a Carrie Underwood song. I don’t know what to do or think… I guess. I don’t even know if he was being serious about cheating on me if he would never get caught. I will talk to him about it more some other time.

He is in Baltimore right now. He has a job interview tomorrow morning. He was driving up there the first time I talked to him, then the second time he was in his hotel. He has a job interview in Richmond, VA on Tuesday. So he won’t be home until Tuesday night. Then I think he has something here on Wednesday. I forget. I never remember what he tells me.

I was all depressed even if I was the one who decided I didn’t want to be with him.

The second part of my day…

My mom, my cousin and I go to Target. I was SO tired because the doctor is fucking with my medicine. I asked my mom if we could go, and I didn’t even see anything that I wanted. She says that she doesn’t need the stuff we picked up, so we can just leave. I was arguing with her in the car, and we were driving my car. My dad had her truck, and she couldn’t drive his because there is no back seats. So we take my car. She is backing out and her and this other lady hit each other. The other lady was also backing out. My mom was freaking out because she’s never been in a car accident in her life. I call the cops, and they don’t come on private property. So both the lady and my mom are freaking out. They weren’t yelling or anything, but they were two idiot women drivers wondering what the fuck they should do. I am trying to tell them to exchange insurance information, but they were being retarded. The lady calls her insurance company, so my mom tells me to call mine. I call mine, and I can barely even think because I am so tired because of my new medicine. I was arguing with my mom about her driving me home and my dad following her because I am so tired because of my meds (when the accident happened). I have an appointment with my surgeon tomorrow, so I need my car. Anyways the two dumb ass drivers exchange information and we leave. I don’t know whose fault it was; they both were backing out at the same exact time. At this moment, I don’t really care. There’s a dent in the other lady’s car, and a small scratch on mine, so it was probably my mom’s fault. If it was, that’s fine. We are not trying to argue about it and dispute it. Whatever they decide is fine.

I can still barely even think. This post is long, and I don’t know if it made much sense. I don’t know if I am going to be able to stay on this medicine. I CANNOT think.

Seriously, though, my mom and that lady were retarded. They acted like it was the end of the world. How hard is it to copy down your insurance info? I told them that that’s what the cops said to do. Also, if my mom was the driver… who pays for it? My insurance company or hers? She says hers, but I think it’s mine since it was my car. My fucking insurance just went down from like $80.00 to $65.00 too. I only have liability, but there’s nothing wrong with my car anyways.

The only good thing that happened today is that I lost another pound… even after I had one meal and water all day.

Posted in Andrew, Bad Day, Family, Mom | 2 Comments »

FINALLY

I FINALLY got Adobe Photoshop. It’s CS2, but I don’t care. It’s better than nothing. That’s what I had on my old laptop anyways.

I was getting so frustrated with Apple yesterday. Textedit was missing from my computer, and I was sure I didn’t uninstall it. I called Apple like 7 times. I hung up one one guy because he asked me if textedit was a Mac program! BTW, it is. I’d almost rather talk to the people at Dell. I had the reinstall the OS. Then programs weren’t getting installed right. I didn’t know that I had to drag some of them into my applications folder. Maybe it was a dumb question, but that means it should be an easy question to answer. He didn’t know why programs weren’t in my applications folder and why when I deleted the disk image on the desktop, it would remove the program. I had the same problem with Firefox, so I should have known it, but the lady at tech support didn’t know the problem either. God, what idiots.

I hate CuteFTP’s Mac version. For some reason textedit won’t save the files when I am editing them off of the server. I have to download the file and edit it, then re-upload it. I”m probably doing something wrong.

I can’t find the necklace my mom got me on zales.com. I just want to know the specs. Would it be called specs, or am I just a computer nerd a dumb, or is that a stupid question? I think it would be rude to ask her.

I’ve been up since 1am, and it’s 4:38am now

Posted in Family, Mom, Nerdy | No Comments »

Getting better

I went shopping ALL DAY yesterday, and I feel much better. Not because I went shopping, but probably because I was in the sun and out of the house all day.

I went to Target twice, the mall, Best Buy, and I think that’s it. I didn’t get anything from Best Buy. My dad got two seasons of Rome. OMFG… EXPENSIVE!!!!! Andrew likes that series. They bought a new Panasonic phone with two headsets. The battery on their old one was getting bad. My mom got a new wireless mouse. I got two file boxes for all my disorganized papers, Mac liquid eyeliner, A pair of Jeans, and that’s it… I think. Target’s jeans fit my legs SO well!

Oh yeah… I knew I did something else. I got my tires rotated, an oil change, power steering flush, and a car wash. I haven’t washed my car since I got it, but I’ve wiped down the dashboard and windows like two times. I was at that place for over two hours. They are SO busy. The line overflows way down the street. I don’t even know how long I’ve had my car for. Just looked it up, 6 months. Pretty bad. I’ve gotten one oil change before the one yesterday. But I was only 30 miles over my oil change. If I didn’t have my mom, my car would have nothing done to it. Leslie told me something that reminded me of myself. I know I have said it on here before, but if I didn’t have my mom, I’d seriously probably be homeless. That’s what she said too.

My mom bought me a white gold heart necklace from Zales for Valentines Day. Half of it is white diamonds, and the other half is pink diamonds. I will take a pic when I get home. It’s really pretty. I barely every wear jewelry, but I should start. The problem will be getting it off and on with my nails. But my mom said I can take a shower with it on. I’m so bad, but I’ll look up the price of it when I get home. I don’t care how much it cost, I am just curious. I would like it even if it was cheap.

I am going to be paying for my new laptop for probably about 20 years lol. I know I will only be able to afford the minimum payment because my credit card is maxed out again. Well, I have like $300.00 some dollars on there. The limit is $5,100. I feel so bad. I even called to cancel HBO and Starz because that’s about the only thing I can live without as far as my bills go. The gave it to me for $5.00 each for 3 months, so I didn’t cancel it lol. I will cancel it in 3 months. I am thinking of getting rid of my Sidekick, but I will have to pay a cancellation fee. I just get so frustrated texting on regular phones. I never practice, though, so I am sure I’d get better at it. Plus the unlimited text messages with Cingular is $20.00 a month And .15 per message without it Rip off.

You know, I don’t even know how Andrew pays his phone bill. I don’t know if his parents pay it or it gets taken out of his bank account. His parents don’t help him with bills, but I wonder. I HAVE to run his minutes up every month, plus I text him a million times. I am not bringing up up because then he will realize that he’s spending a lot of money talking to me. I did bring it up once, and he said that he doesn’t think I am running his bill up because I have a local number… idiot lol. I don’t think he reads my site anymore, or at least he hasn’t in a little while, which is a good thing. He used to come her EVERY DAY, RELIGIOUSLY! I’ve NEVER said ANYTHING to him about it either. It’s so easy to figure out IP addresses. First I knew it becauase I would see him online and he would go to my myspace every day. He is the only one that comes here from the area. You can insert images from your site into myspace (with the regular img tag). You name it something unique, and then you look at your raw access logs for the file name, and it shows the only ip that looked at the file. Then I had a real tracker on myspace. It’s broken now because myspace fucked it up (profiletracker.us), but it used to tell you exactly who would come to your myspace. It actually worked, trust me. It’s $5.00 a month. I never said anything about it before because myspace would delete my profile if someone reported me, and I didn’t want Andrew to know. Now my profile is deleted anyways, so I don’t give a fuck.

I know I am such a stalker, but if you REALLY, REALLY liked a guy, wouldn’t you want to know if he was coming to your site? It’s funny that he doesn’t come here anymore, but he acts more interested in me that ever.

Posted in Andrew, Bipolar, Family, Health, Mom | No Comments »

What a mean joke

First of all, I lost another pound today. That’s 3 pounds in two days. It did say 209, then I weighed myself again, and it said 210. It usually doesn’t change, so I don’t know why it did.

Andrew played a cruel joke on me tonight. I brought up something I did, and I said that I thought it was funny. He said “you know what’s funny?” Then he hung the phone up on me!!!!! Then he kept his phone off for like 2 hours!!!!! I thought I ruined everything. I didn’t tell him this, but I was FREAKING OUT!!!!!!!!!! I was trying so hard not to go psycho. I called my mom crying SO bad. Then she picked me up and took me shopping at the mall, and Christy’s daughter played in the play center they have (of course we were with her). I was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo depressed. I thought for sure I ruined everything. I got two pajama shirts to match the pajamas I have. I didn’t pay any attention to them while I was there getting the pajama bottoms. I was still soooooooooooooooo depressed. So we all get in the car, and I call him to see if his phone is on yet, and he answers. He told me he was just fucking with me He did say he was disappointed in me, but he’s not mad.

I am telling you, I was crying BAD. I almost took my cell phone and threw it up against the wall. I used to always throw stuff when I would get pissed off. I’ve never hit anybody (with my hands), but I threw a Taco Bell drink on my friend Maria and a coffee cup at my brother’s best friend’s head. I think that’s all I’ve thrown at people. My brother’s best friend always jokes me about it. He says I tried to kill him with a coffee cup lol. Oh wait… I’ve hit Chris (my ex) before. I used to have this very popular Nokia. I wish I could find the one. The AT&T people used to call it “the die hard Nokia”, and it freaking was too. I’d throw that thing so many times, and it’d fall apart, and you’d put it together again, and it would work perfectly lol. I had that phone for a long time. It was the first phone I ever had, and I was 18. It’s the same phone number and contract I have now. Wow, 7 years.

The moment Andrew told me he was fucking with me, I snapped out of it. I was so happy!!!! See I ALWAYS overreact.

Edit-
I think this was the phone:

http://www.gsmarena.com/nokia_6150-10.php

/Edit

Posted in Andrew, Bad Day, Family, Friends, Lap-Band Surgery, Mom | 1 Comment »