Girl-Interrupted.net

Awesome

I went to target to get grand theft auto IV. The people in front of me where buying a wii. I asked if they have some, and they did, so I said I’ll take one too. I am giving it to my parents since they have been wanting one bad. I will buy myself one tomorrow if the still have some. I didn’t have enough money to buy two They are probably going to be available a lot more since Steve just bought one the other day too.

Ummmm Andrew called me today and accused me of calling him from a private number and hanging up on him all day yesterday and at 5am this morning. I SWEAR TO GOD IT WAS NOT ME!!!!!!! If I wanted to call him, I wouldn’t block my number. I never block my number when I call anyone. I know that I can do some pretty immature things, but I don’t block my number, call people, and hang up on them. That is very immature. I am pretty sure I went to bed at 4:30am last night after I got home from the hospital. My phone was dead when I was in the hospital. It’s not like I can prove it, but I DIDN’T! I told him that is I wanted to fuck with him, I’d change the caller ID number. I do wonder who it was though. He doesn’t have any friends or anything. I was the only one that called him. It does look kind of suspicious that I was awake at like 4:30am, but it wasssssssss notttttttttt meeeeeeee! Who cares. I just hate being accused of something I didn’t do.

I have been depressed. I don’t know what’s wrong. I should be happy. I just haven’t been feeling right, like I said. I cried a lot today. I don’t feel anywhere as bad as last night though. I was kind of depressed last night, but I was feeling really weird. I don’t know if it has to do with my potassium or bipolar. I don’t know if I had an anxiety attack last night. If I did, it was a real weird one, only lasting 2 minutes. I actually tweeted that I was thirsty and I couldn’t get out of bed to get something to drink. It never showed up for some reason. Then I was tweeting that I didn’t feel good, and before I could hit submit, that is when I had to call 911.

I had an anxiety attack a couple weeks ago. I never posted about it, but I said something about it on twitter. I don’t know why all of the sudden I am feeling this way. I have been extremely depressed before. So depressed that I could not talk to anyone and thought about checking myself into a mental institution. I don’t know why all of the sudden I am having anxiety attacks. I’ve had 2 my whole life, and I was a teenager when I had them. If last night was one, it wasn’t that bad. The one I had a few weeks ago wasn’t bad either. It was like 15 minutes long, and all I did was cry, freak out a little, and my hands and feet were tingling.

I don’t know if it has something to do with me not eating or what. I bought bananas today for electrolytes. I threw it up. I bought light Gatorade with electrolytes and some yogurt. All I’ve had today is almost a glass of Gatorade, 4 crackers that I threw up, and the banana I threw up. I think I need to go get some liquid taken out of my band. Now I just don’t want to drive to Norfolk General Hospital. It’s so confusing. But yeah, I’ll go. I’ll call tomorrow. It’s hard getting your protein and 64 ounces of water.

I don’t feel so god right now. I am also wondering if it’s my anti-psychotic that is making me feel this way. Man, I feel like shit.

Posted in Andrew, Bipolar, Health, Lap-Band Surgery, Medication | No Comments »

ADD and psych stuff

I don’t have the patients to learn about this camera. I get SO bored reading shit. I can’t focus. I am getting some ADD medicine on 4/17. That’s the next time I see my doctor. Every time I try to read a book, my mind wonders. I can barely watch movies. Ask anyone who has watched movies with me at my house. I am always doing something else while a movie is playing. I went to see “300″ a year ago, and I could not tell you one thing about the movie. I left the theater 2 times to talk on my cell phone. I was probably in the theater less than 30 minutes. I finally watched the movie a month or so ago. I had to FORCE myself to sit there. I don’t like going to see movies. I’ve seen two movies in the theater in the last year, only because the people I was with wanted to go. I talk to people the whole entire time a movie is playing. That used to annoy the fuck out of my brother. I haven’t bothered to read a book since I was in school and was forced to. Well, I have tried, but I wasn’t successful. If my phone rings when I am watching TV or a movie, I thank God and immediately stop watching it because I’d much rather talk, even though I know I am going to miss a lot of the movie. I know I don’t have ADHD, but I am sure I have ADD. The only thing I can read are blogs. Not any blog, just my dailies. I never try to read anyone else’s blog. I am only interested in the people that I know somewhat or know about their life somewhat. I can’t even return comments from people I don’t know, most of the time, because I cannot read their posts. I don’t know if this has anything to do with it, but I drive fast as shit like I am always in a hurry. I hate driving because I get so bored.

Sarah always tells me to take some of her Adderall. I knew from the beginning to say no. I knew she’s been on it since she was a kid, so I figured she took a high dose. Then the other day she told me she is on the highest dose. I don’t want to feel like I am on speed. I HATE that feeling. I will NEVER EVER drink an energy drink, take caffeine pills or take diet pills. Maybe the energy drink because I am immune to caffeine in low doses (if the dose is even low), since I drink so much soda. Give me a downer (legal pills, only from my doctor), and I am the happiest person in the world. God, anxiety medicine gives you THE BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD. The only reason I don’t take them is because I know how addictive they are. I took them for a month straight once, and I felt like crap coming off of them. Plus you build up a tolerance, and I don’t want to need more and more to feel good. I took Ambien for a long time. I never go addicted to them, but I had a major tolerance. I could take 10 and not even fall asleep. Yeah, that was stupid. I did it once and it made me throw up all over my floor because I was to high to go to the bathroom. But I still wasn’t too high to clean up my throw up. I blogged about it when it happened a while ago. Pain killers make me extremely sick and on the verge of fainting. It was that way when I just had my surgery, when I was inside and outside of the hospital. When I had my ovary removed, and I had pain killers at home, I thought I had the flu bad, but it was just the pain killers.

Maybe I’ll print out the FIRST (haha) paragraph and give it to my doctor. I always forget what to say when I am seeing her. I just don’t want to take another pill. I regret ever taking any. I’d rather suffer with anxiety than be on the pill I am addicted to. It’s just like coming off of anxiety medicine if I don’t take it. I get VERY SICK. If I didn’t have any for ONE night, I would go to the ER and get some, IMMEDIATELY. I freak the fuck out when I call my doctor because I am running low and I need her to call some in. My doctor tried to take me off of it once, and I couldn’t sleep for two days. All I did was lie there and cry until I demanded that he give me some. I’ve been taking it since I was 17. It is seriously the WORST feeling in the world. I’d rather wake up from my Lap-Band surgery 10 times than go through that feeling, and I didn’t feel nice when I woke up. I couldn’t breathe (because I smoked, even though he told me not to or he wouldn’t do the surgery). I had never been more thirsty in my LIFE. I was BEGGING for water every 5 seconds. They wouldn’t give me any because I just had stomach surgery, but they gave me wet gauze. I felt like I was going to faint and kept asking them to sit me up and lie me down, but no position was comfortable. The funny thing was that my stomach had nothing to do with the pain I was feeling. My stomach felt almost absolutely fine.

Maybe I am just a baby. I would do ANYTHING to go back and never take the pill I am addicted to. I get sick if I take it 5 minutes after the time I took it the day before. I can’t talk to anyone. I can’t do anything. I am in the worst mood. I think all it is basically is anxiety. The worst anxiety in the world besides having an anxiety attack. I’ve had two when I was a teenager, and that was the worst feeling in the world. It’s kind of weird what triggered it. I don’t remember what happened with one of them. I remember what happened with the other. I was watching “Saving Private Ryan” on TV, and the movie freaked me the hell out. Then all of the sudden I got scared that Chris (my boyfriend) would go to war. I don’t know why the hell I thought that. He wasn’t even in the military. Was there a draft or something in the movie? Lots of people call 911 or go to the hospital (and I am sure they do not drive themselves) when they are having an anxiety attack. I believe it is that bad, and I do not think they are overreacting, at all. I feel too sick to even move, so I sit there and suffer until it’s over. Lots of people think they are having a heart attack when they are having an anxiety attack. I feel so lucky that I have only had two. But I still feel anxiety a lot.

Posted in Bipolar, Health, Lap-Band Surgery, Medication | No Comments »

Court is in session, a verdict is in.

No appeal on the docket today…

I know what that song’s about, and I can relate to it, even if it’s not about love. The beginning just reminds me of us.

So Andrew says that I can’t move with him now. I canceled most of my domains. Actually, I tried to cancel them all, but for some reason a few of them didn’t get canceled. I don’t know what to do. I can’t stop crying. I can’t stop listening to depressing music. He says he is going to come visit me tonight for the last time. He says maybe he will stay the night. But I don’t know if he’ll come now, since I just pissed him off on the phone. I can’t call him because he is doing some stuff on base. He is trying to be really nice about it. He lost his temper and is mad because I keep asking if I can come visit him. He says he hasn’t even moved there yet, and I am already worried about it. Dumb thing to get mad about, huh?

I wish I could say it’s for the best and all that, but I am not at that point. I don’t know if I will ever be. Emily hasn’t gotten over her ex, neither has Amy. I think he may be the one I don’t get over. I got over Chris just fine. Maybe I will get over him. Everything seems impossible right now, but I guess time heals all wounds. Who knows how much time it will take to heal.

On top of that, my mom never went to the kidney doctor to make sure she doesn’t have cancer. She lied to me. She has an appointment during spring break. I am SO worried about that. If I lose my mom and Andrew, I will be in a mental institution. I don’t know if I will be alive. They will have to give me something to sedate me every time I wake up. Please believe that I am not exaggerating.

I think I had breakfast yesterday, I don’t remember. I know I didn’t have lunch and I had 3 bites of food for dinner. Your band gets real tight when you are under stress. Not that I would be able to eat anyways. I chewed a piece of chicken so well, and it still got stuck. They also say that your band gets real tight when you are PMSing. I think I am. Who knows, my period comes at random times, but since I have lost weight, it has been more regular.
I seriously considered killing myself last night. Not calling 911 because I get scared. Just taking all of my Seroquel to make me fall asleep and wash it down with some wine. I do wish God would take my life. Maybe there is a God, and maybe I will go to hell if I kill myself. I don’t really believe that, though.

So I guess this will be my domain. I don’t know if I will ever tell anybody. But, knowing me, I will. I just need a break. I feel so stupid for believing that he would let me move with him. I knew it was his last chance to play with my head. It’s still probably not even his last chance. I know I will continue to talk to him and hopefully change his mind. I wish I never met him. I promise, I would chose that if I could. Fuck “it’s better to love and lost than to never loved at all”. Fuck thinking that everything you go through in life makes you stronger. Everything I go through makes me weaker.
Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I learned to never be with someone who uses drugs from being with Chris. Maybe I will learn to never be with someone who treats you like shit from being with Andrew.

If my mom doesn’t have cancer, everything will be fine.

Well, I have to get ready to go to my psychiatrist appointment. I guess I scheduled it with good timing. I am going to BEG her to give me some anti-anxiety pills. I have to stop and get gas. I will have to use my credit card since my check card won’t go through with no money in it because I just got two overdraft fees.

Posted in Andrew, Bad Day, Bipolar, Health, Lap-Band Surgery | No Comments »

Hhsdahjasd

I am so miserable. I am back to being depressed again. I am starting to understand Andrew better. I want to listen to angry music, just like him. I can’t talk to anyone, just like him. I made my mom cry today and I didn’t care, something he does to me. I don’t want to go anywhere, just like him. The last few times he has been over here, he has been really depressed. I know it’s him and not me, now. Until like a couple weeks ago, for almost 2 years, I thought it was my fault. I thought there was something wrong with me. “Am I too fat?” “Am I too ugly?” That’s all I thought. I can’t believe that I believed that for over 1 year and 7 months. I seriously believed that every-single-day. The thought NEVER entered my mind that maybe it’s him. He tried to tell me, but I didn’t believe him. I still think it’s me in some ways. “What if I was perfect looking?” “What if I weighed 110 pounds and looked like a Barbi?” I now know that Andrew doesn’t think I am ugly, after a recent conversation I had with him. What am I talking about? I still believe it’s me. If some other girl was in love with him, then he’d treat her better.

Andrew knows EVERYTHING bad about me. He knows stuff I don’t even post on here. I don’t think any other guy would want to be with me once they find out everything bad about me. It doesn’t even matter. I can’t even give any other guys a chance. I feel nothing when I talk to other guys. I felt nothing when I kissed that guy. I don’t like talking to him on the phone. He annoys me. I can’t come up with anything to say to him. I am not interested. I don’t give a fuck. I just want to tell him something bad so he won’t like me anymore. I want to like him… but I can’t.

I keep calling my mom, then I’ll sit there on the phone and say absolutely nothing for 5 minutes straight. Then later, I’ll think I am in a better mood, and I’ll call her back, then I find out that I still have nothing to say.

Sometimes I seem like I am happy on this blog… I guess. I am not. I am a miserable person. Ask my mom. Ask Emily, my best friend. They know how miserable I am. I treat them like shit, just like Andrew treats me like shit. Why do I complain about him so much when I do the same thing to other people? He is the only person I am nice to.

I don’t want to be friends with Christy anymore. Sarah is alright, but I don’t want to hang out with her. I will always want to be friends with Emily, but I treat her like shit.

One day my mom is going to die, and I am going to have to live with how I treated her when she was alive. I love her more than it is possible to love someone, but I am so miserable that I treat her like I hate her. She tried to talk to me today, but I couldn’t talk. She was just getting on my nerves with her questions, so she started crying. I told her to just give me some money so I can leave. It totally reminds me of Andrew. I know he cares about me, but he is miserable just like me.

I guess some of it is just because I am depressed. I am not always miserable and in a bad mood. I do have an attitude problem a lot of the time, but sometimes I am nice to people. Not liking any other guys has nothing to do with me being depressed. I couldn’t see any guys for a long time after Chris broke up with me.

Enough about that. Other than this morning, the last 3 mornings in a row, my neighbors and I have woken up to shit on the walkway in front of our apartments. It looked like a large dog did it. My neighbors believed that a human was doing it. I don’t know, but it was gross. The last day it was smack in front of my door. My nosy neighbor picked it up for me. It made to scared to take my dogs out at 2am last night just thinking that there may be some sicko outside shitting on the sidewalk. Dogs usually don’t poop on cement. I don’t see stray dogs around here. I wonder if there was a reason it was in front of my door. Maybe someone hates me. I really wonder if it was a person or a dog. I live in the city, so there’s no telling. I hate taking my dogs out in the middle of the night. This area is not too bad, but there will be a million dollar house next to a hotel that crack heads stay at (at least in the winter when they are cheap to stay in). There are a lot of weirdos out at night here. There are some homeless people. I have NO clue why someone would want to live in a million dollar house down here at the beach. I hate it. Too many drunks, too much traffic, etc.

My mom got the number for some big guy at Stihl (they make chainsaws and tools. it’s a factory.) for Andrew. He applied for a job there. Her boss knows some guy there. It’s like really hard to get a job there, and they pay really good money. Actually, Andrew’s roommate and his roommate’s wife works there, so I don’t know why Andrew said that they couldn’t help him get a job there. My brother worked there before he joined the Navy. Andrew wants some technician job there or something. I don’t know. I don’t know if he will even call the guy because he is an idiot like that. He is not a go-getter. I haven’t talked to him about it yet.

Posted in Andrew, Bad Day, Bipolar, Family, Friends, Health, Mom | 2 Comments »

I hate my life… as usual

Being bipolar or having a mental illness is the hardest thing I can imagine going through. I would rather be in any amount of physical pain than go through this.

I am obsessing over something that I only share with very few people. The only people I have ever told is my mom, Emily, Janet and Sarah.

I woke up in a REALLY bad mood. I didn’t sleep well last night, and I have no clue why because my new medicine has been knocking me the fuck out every single night.

I texted Andrew and told him that I’m not in love with him anymore. I told him that loving him is just a bad habit I can’t seem to break. I don’t know if it’s true or not. I don’t know anymore. If I really do move with him, I bet you anything that I’ll end up leaving him. I can’t take his shit anymore. I can’t take his smart ass attitude. He doesn’t really say mean things to me anymore, but I still can’t take it. He is a miserable person to be around. No one will ever put up with his shit.

I am EXTREMELY in debt. I can’t stop shopping. I seriously need help. It’s making me more depressed. I will be paying off my credit cards for probably 30 years. Or until my mom pays them off for me so I can run them up again. If she does, I will cancel them and just keep my $500.00 credit card. It was $300, but they increased the limit. There is seriously something wrong with me.

I am sick of throwing up. I am waiting for the day to feel excruciating pain in my stomach to tell me that my band has slipped. I will be SO lucky if it doesn’t, as much as I throw up. I don’t want to have surgery again.

My scars from the surgery look SO good. You can barely see them anymore. Like I even care with all the stretch marks I have. My thighs are getting saggy; my arms are getting saggy. My ass looks pathetic. But it always has. My back goes straight down to the bottom of my ass. Andrew says he’ll like me more when I get a boob job. See what I mean? It was my question, but still. I don’t know if he was serious or not. Why did I have to fall in love with him out of all people? Why did either one of us let things go as far as the have? Trust me, he did. If it was some other guy, I would have gave up on him a LONG time ago. I loved Chris so much when he broke up on me, but he didn’t let things continue, so I left him alone, and I fell out of love with him. I feel like I have waisted almost two years of my life. Maybe I could have met someone that really makes me happy, instead of wasting my time on Andrew. But you know me, I know me, I am going to waste more time on him.

One gooooood thing about living alone is that you don’t have a husband or kids that want to eat junk food that you can’t have. Every time I go to my mom’s house, I get so tempted to eat all of the crap she has. OMG, she had girl scout cookies the other day, and I didn’t have one.

I hate my life.

Posted in Andrew, Bipolar, Health, Lap-Band Surgery | 2 Comments »

Getting better

I went shopping ALL DAY yesterday, and I feel much better. Not because I went shopping, but probably because I was in the sun and out of the house all day.

I went to Target twice, the mall, Best Buy, and I think that’s it. I didn’t get anything from Best Buy. My dad got two seasons of Rome. OMFG… EXPENSIVE!!!!! Andrew likes that series. They bought a new Panasonic phone with two headsets. The battery on their old one was getting bad. My mom got a new wireless mouse. I got two file boxes for all my disorganized papers, Mac liquid eyeliner, A pair of Jeans, and that’s it… I think. Target’s jeans fit my legs SO well!

Oh yeah… I knew I did something else. I got my tires rotated, an oil change, power steering flush, and a car wash. I haven’t washed my car since I got it, but I’ve wiped down the dashboard and windows like two times. I was at that place for over two hours. They are SO busy. The line overflows way down the street. I don’t even know how long I’ve had my car for. Just looked it up, 6 months. Pretty bad. I’ve gotten one oil change before the one yesterday. But I was only 30 miles over my oil change. If I didn’t have my mom, my car would have nothing done to it. Leslie told me something that reminded me of myself. I know I have said it on here before, but if I didn’t have my mom, I’d seriously probably be homeless. That’s what she said too.

My mom bought me a white gold heart necklace from Zales for Valentines Day. Half of it is white diamonds, and the other half is pink diamonds. I will take a pic when I get home. It’s really pretty. I barely every wear jewelry, but I should start. The problem will be getting it off and on with my nails. But my mom said I can take a shower with it on. I’m so bad, but I’ll look up the price of it when I get home. I don’t care how much it cost, I am just curious. I would like it even if it was cheap.

I am going to be paying for my new laptop for probably about 20 years lol. I know I will only be able to afford the minimum payment because my credit card is maxed out again. Well, I have like $300.00 some dollars on there. The limit is $5,100. I feel so bad. I even called to cancel HBO and Starz because that’s about the only thing I can live without as far as my bills go. The gave it to me for $5.00 each for 3 months, so I didn’t cancel it lol. I will cancel it in 3 months. I am thinking of getting rid of my Sidekick, but I will have to pay a cancellation fee. I just get so frustrated texting on regular phones. I never practice, though, so I am sure I’d get better at it. Plus the unlimited text messages with Cingular is $20.00 a month And .15 per message without it Rip off.

You know, I don’t even know how Andrew pays his phone bill. I don’t know if his parents pay it or it gets taken out of his bank account. His parents don’t help him with bills, but I wonder. I HAVE to run his minutes up every month, plus I text him a million times. I am not bringing up up because then he will realize that he’s spending a lot of money talking to me. I did bring it up once, and he said that he doesn’t think I am running his bill up because I have a local number… idiot lol. I don’t think he reads my site anymore, or at least he hasn’t in a little while, which is a good thing. He used to come her EVERY DAY, RELIGIOUSLY! I’ve NEVER said ANYTHING to him about it either. It’s so easy to figure out IP addresses. First I knew it becauase I would see him online and he would go to my myspace every day. He is the only one that comes here from the area. You can insert images from your site into myspace (with the regular img tag). You name it something unique, and then you look at your raw access logs for the file name, and it shows the only ip that looked at the file. Then I had a real tracker on myspace. It’s broken now because myspace fucked it up (profiletracker.us), but it used to tell you exactly who would come to your myspace. It actually worked, trust me. It’s $5.00 a month. I never said anything about it before because myspace would delete my profile if someone reported me, and I didn’t want Andrew to know. Now my profile is deleted anyways, so I don’t give a fuck.

I know I am such a stalker, but if you REALLY, REALLY liked a guy, wouldn’t you want to know if he was coming to your site? It’s funny that he doesn’t come here anymore, but he acts more interested in me that ever.

Posted in Andrew, Bipolar, Family, Health, Mom | No Comments »

Depressed

I bought a double pack of that canned air stuff from Target. One of them didn’t work. Now I probably can’t take them back because I used some of the other. I will anyways and pretend I used the other one first. I’ll at least try. Someone put a spell on me I guess it’s because I am depressed. I get so upset when the littlest thing goes wrong when I am depressed.

I think I really got on Andrew’s nerves earlier. I was crying and being all psycho. He hates when I am psycho. He had a job interview in DC today. If he takes that one, we’ll be living in DC. DC is 3 hours from here. I bet you anything he’ll say that I can’t move with him because he’ll be so close. I know him too well. Watch. He’ll say “I’m only going to be 3 hours away.” I don’t trust him. I know he is going to break my heart again for the one millionth time. At least if he does, and he moves far away, I have to get over him. I don’t trust him at all.

I am not even depressed over that. I am depressed for no reason. I need to stop being psycho with him or he is going to change his mind again.

When I ordered the XPS, I also ordered the cutest wireless mouse and laptop bag. I broke the mouse by dropping it on the kitchen floor accidentally lol. I am sending it back, and hopefully they’ll give me my money back. Am I a bad person? I bought a new wireless mouse at Target today. This new one is way better, but it’s not pink I still like it better, though. The USB thing is TINY. It says it’s the worlds smallest or something like that. The mouse itself is nicer too, as far as the buttons, feel and scroll bar go.

I don’t feel good

Posted in Andrew, Bipolar, Health | 3 Comments »

MacBook Pro

I bought a MacBook Pro yesterday. I canceled the Dell XPS. I have had some problems with programs crashing on the Mac. I thought Macs were perfect. Maybe it’s because I am doing so many things at once. I don’t like the way you scroll on the touch pad. You need two fingers. I am still trying to figure a lot of stuff out. I lost Firefox somehow last night. It wasn’t on the program bar thing, and it wasn’t in my applications. I had to download it, and when it tried to install it, it appeared again. I have these disks on my desktop, like a Firefox one, and I guess I wasn’t supposed to “eject” it. I don’t know what I am doing. I don’t know what ejecting a disk does.

iPhoto crashed on me. I am downloading WoW, and that crashed on me. It took me about 3 hours to finally find a way that worked to get my songs off of my iPod and on to here.

Other than that, I love it. I bought it at the Apple store yesterday.

Frenchie almost got hit by a car this morning. I live on a semi-busy street. She usually never goes in the street. I wasn’t paying attention. She was even closer to getting hit by a car when I first got her. I guess that person didn’t see her and wasn’t stopping, and I screamed “FRENCHIE” just in time. She was SO close to getting hit. I think it was a bus.

I have been SO depressed and miserable. I don’t know why. I am going out and everything. I am REAL depressed. Not right this second, but it comes and goes.

Posted in Bipolar, Frenchie, Health, Nerdy, Pets | 1 Comment »

I’m filled!

I got a fill today. I think he gave me a good one, considering I only lost 3 fucking pounds this month. It’s my fault for not going back earlier to get it filled more. I know it’s filled good because I just ate a small yogurt, and it went down really slow. It hurt a little. I am on liquids for 2 days My big incision that he sticks it in is also all bruised. He didn’t bruise me last time.

I also went to the gym today. Yayyy for 4 days in a row. I am going to go there and do cardio every day.

The people will be here to install my carpet tomorrow.

I have to go to the grocery store to get sugar free pudding. All I am going to eat is pudding and yogurt. I can’t do chicken broth anymore.

Picked up my pants from being hemmed today. Went to my mom’s to make sure no one was there with my cousin.

The first night I took Seroquel, I slept for 15 hours! Last night I took it, and I woke up about every hour. Oh shitttttttttttttttttttttttttttt. I have to crush all my pills tonight :( Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. That Trazodone is NASTY. I can’t stand getting it stuck in my mouth when it doesn’t go down. OMG ewwwwwwwwwwww. I am not looking forward to this. I am also not crushing my Lamictal. I have to take 8, and they are very small pills. I’ll swallow 2 at a time. This could all take a while. I need to start taking it soon. Damn it.

And I knew Andrew could not be trusted. I told him to email me if he is gone for more than 3 days. It’s day 4, and he hasn’t emailed me. I know he will answer me when I email him. I just thought it would be nice for him to email me and tell me without me having to ask him. Men. Andrew. Pffft.

Edit-

I just ate 1 1/2 things of pudding, and I am about to EXPLODE. I feel like I just ate a whole pizza. I am sooooooooooo full. This is great! I love it! I was not filled nearly as good last time. You don’t understand… I AM FULL!!!!!!!!!!!! I shouldn’t even have even eaten as much as I did.

/Edit

Posted in Andrew, Bipolar, Health, Lap-Band Surgery, Liquid Diet, Medication | 2 Comments »

KJKdkjakdassa

I forgot that I was supposed to be helping poor people and stuff, and I accidentally bought Crest Whitestrips Renewal. I bought them at the Rite Aid, not at drugstore.com. I used them when they first came out, and they worked great. Everyone says I have white teeth, but they must be whiter. My teeth are pretty white, and I smoke. Emily was comparing ours in the car one day, and mine were whiter than hers, and I smoke more than her.

I went to the gym today and yesterday. My legs hurt so bad that I can barely walk. I will go tomorrow, but I am not doing any cardio, or even walking up the stairs to the second floor. I will work on my arms on the first floor. They hurt SO BAD. They hurt before I went today. I have a trainer helping me for now, but I guess he had me over do it. I rode a bike for 25 minutes today and went on the elliptical machine. I did the elliptical machine for 5 minutes. He put it on level 4, and I did it for one minute. I got off it and got on the bike, and he walks buy and tells me to get back on the elliptical machine lol. So he left it on level one, and I could only do it for 4 minutes. Those things are hard.

My doctor switched my medicine around today. She put me on Seroquel. That sucks because I have heard SOOOOOOOOO many people say that it causes you to gain SOOOOOOOO much weight. I am slowly going off the Geodon and slowly going on that. The only good thing about it is that I can cut the pills so I can slowly stop taking it. Geodon is capsules. If I gain ANY weight, I will not take it anymore. If my weight loss slows down, I will not take it anymore. My mom takes it, and she hasn’t gained any weight from it. She all of the sudden decided that she was bipolar about a year ago???? I think she’s jealous of me lol. She is freaking retarded.

Here’s all the clothes I have to take to the thrift store tomorrow. The bags behind them are filled with clothes also. I put my fucking $80.00 pair of capris in them too. Oh well, someone poor will love them. I only wore them about 3 times.

Posted in Bipolar, General, Health, Medication | 4 Comments »