Girl-Interrupted.net

Food = pain

My band is, by far, the tightest it has ever been. It takes me a half hour to eat a little container of pudding, and I am STUFFED after I eat it. I can not take an average sized sip of water, or it is painful. Steve just said he can hear the air coming out of my mouth, and we’re on the phone. When food gets stuck, a whole bunch of air comes from my stomach and out of my mouth. It isn’t burping, but sometimes I have little tiny burps. It is happening when I drink now. I guess this is what they’re talking about when they say to drink small sips all day, or else you’re going to get dehydrated. I better, or I definitely am going to get dehydrated.

My doctor could not find my port today, so he was fiddling around with the needle in my stomach for like 10 minutes. He said it moved because I have lost so much weight and my stomach is changing. He said it only happens to some people. He said once I lose more weight it will be close to my skin and I will be able to feel it. I guess you can feel it now anyways. He was feeling it, and he showed the hot med student. Last time I was there, there was 3 med students in there with him. I don’t like that. I guess they go to Eastern Virginia Medical School, which is next to the hospital I had my surgery at.

This sucks so bad, but all the bariatric appointments are going to be at the hospital I had my surgery at starting next month I have to drive all the way there now. It’s kind of far, and it’s confusing and downtown with a lot of traffic. I’ve always refused to drive there alone.

I want some meat so bad. I was over pudding the second time I had it. I guess my body may tell me I need protein when I can’t eat. All I have had today is two things of pudding. Ha, I have had 120 calories today. Damn! I don’t think I’ll eat again because I am still really full.

This took me hours to write. I have been talking to Steve all night.

Posted in General, Lap-Band Surgery, Liquid Diet | No Comments »

ADD and psych stuff

I don’t have the patients to learn about this camera. I get SO bored reading shit. I can’t focus. I am getting some ADD medicine on 4/17. That’s the next time I see my doctor. Every time I try to read a book, my mind wonders. I can barely watch movies. Ask anyone who has watched movies with me at my house. I am always doing something else while a movie is playing. I went to see “300″ a year ago, and I could not tell you one thing about the movie. I left the theater 2 times to talk on my cell phone. I was probably in the theater less than 30 minutes. I finally watched the movie a month or so ago. I had to FORCE myself to sit there. I don’t like going to see movies. I’ve seen two movies in the theater in the last year, only because the people I was with wanted to go. I talk to people the whole entire time a movie is playing. That used to annoy the fuck out of my brother. I haven’t bothered to read a book since I was in school and was forced to. Well, I have tried, but I wasn’t successful. If my phone rings when I am watching TV or a movie, I thank God and immediately stop watching it because I’d much rather talk, even though I know I am going to miss a lot of the movie. I know I don’t have ADHD, but I am sure I have ADD. The only thing I can read are blogs. Not any blog, just my dailies. I never try to read anyone else’s blog. I am only interested in the people that I know somewhat or know about their life somewhat. I can’t even return comments from people I don’t know, most of the time, because I cannot read their posts. I don’t know if this has anything to do with it, but I drive fast as shit like I am always in a hurry. I hate driving because I get so bored.

Sarah always tells me to take some of her Adderall. I knew from the beginning to say no. I knew she’s been on it since she was a kid, so I figured she took a high dose. Then the other day she told me she is on the highest dose. I don’t want to feel like I am on speed. I HATE that feeling. I will NEVER EVER drink an energy drink, take caffeine pills or take diet pills. Maybe the energy drink because I am immune to caffeine in low doses (if the dose is even low), since I drink so much soda. Give me a downer (legal pills, only from my doctor), and I am the happiest person in the world. God, anxiety medicine gives you THE BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD. The only reason I don’t take them is because I know how addictive they are. I took them for a month straight once, and I felt like crap coming off of them. Plus you build up a tolerance, and I don’t want to need more and more to feel good. I took Ambien for a long time. I never go addicted to them, but I had a major tolerance. I could take 10 and not even fall asleep. Yeah, that was stupid. I did it once and it made me throw up all over my floor because I was to high to go to the bathroom. But I still wasn’t too high to clean up my throw up. I blogged about it when it happened a while ago. Pain killers make me extremely sick and on the verge of fainting. It was that way when I just had my surgery, when I was inside and outside of the hospital. When I had my ovary removed, and I had pain killers at home, I thought I had the flu bad, but it was just the pain killers.

Maybe I’ll print out the FIRST (haha) paragraph and give it to my doctor. I always forget what to say when I am seeing her. I just don’t want to take another pill. I regret ever taking any. I’d rather suffer with anxiety than be on the pill I am addicted to. It’s just like coming off of anxiety medicine if I don’t take it. I get VERY SICK. If I didn’t have any for ONE night, I would go to the ER and get some, IMMEDIATELY. I freak the fuck out when I call my doctor because I am running low and I need her to call some in. My doctor tried to take me off of it once, and I couldn’t sleep for two days. All I did was lie there and cry until I demanded that he give me some. I’ve been taking it since I was 17. It is seriously the WORST feeling in the world. I’d rather wake up from my Lap-Band surgery 10 times than go through that feeling, and I didn’t feel nice when I woke up. I couldn’t breathe (because I smoked, even though he told me not to or he wouldn’t do the surgery). I had never been more thirsty in my LIFE. I was BEGGING for water every 5 seconds. They wouldn’t give me any because I just had stomach surgery, but they gave me wet gauze. I felt like I was going to faint and kept asking them to sit me up and lie me down, but no position was comfortable. The funny thing was that my stomach had nothing to do with the pain I was feeling. My stomach felt almost absolutely fine.

Maybe I am just a baby. I would do ANYTHING to go back and never take the pill I am addicted to. I get sick if I take it 5 minutes after the time I took it the day before. I can’t talk to anyone. I can’t do anything. I am in the worst mood. I think all it is basically is anxiety. The worst anxiety in the world besides having an anxiety attack. I’ve had two when I was a teenager, and that was the worst feeling in the world. It’s kind of weird what triggered it. I don’t remember what happened with one of them. I remember what happened with the other. I was watching “Saving Private Ryan” on TV, and the movie freaked me the hell out. Then all of the sudden I got scared that Chris (my boyfriend) would go to war. I don’t know why the hell I thought that. He wasn’t even in the military. Was there a draft or something in the movie? Lots of people call 911 or go to the hospital (and I am sure they do not drive themselves) when they are having an anxiety attack. I believe it is that bad, and I do not think they are overreacting, at all. I feel too sick to even move, so I sit there and suffer until it’s over. Lots of people think they are having a heart attack when they are having an anxiety attack. I feel so lucky that I have only had two. But I still feel anxiety a lot.

Posted in Bipolar, Health, Lap-Band Surgery, Medication | No Comments »

Starving

Something is wrong. I can’t even eat PUDDING without throwing up. Take a few bites, throw up. That’s all I’ve been doing for the last two days.

I know I am supposed to get my period in exactly 7 days, and so many women on the Lap-Band forum say that at PMS time, your band gets a lot tighter. Some of them say that they even need to get it unfilled.

I keep thinking about how much I want cake. It’s just because I am starving, so I am craving food. If I could eat something healthy, then I would be full and not want bad food.

Oh well, hopefully I’ll lose some weight.

Posted in Lap-Band Surgery | No Comments »

I still feel really fat

I still feel like I am really fat. Christy got her wedding band and engagement ring cleaned the other day. I told her that my fingers are still fat as shit. She said they’re not. Of course I didn’t believe her. What friend would agree that you look fat? She told me to try on her rings, and they are size 7. I said that there’s no way they will fit me. Well, they didn’t fit me, but they were a TINY bit away from going on. They went past my knuckles and up pretty far. I probably wear a 7.5.

A couple weeks ago, Christy’s neighbor asked who I was lol. She lives a couple doors down, and she wasn’t close to me (physical distance), but she knows me.

I hear that my skin looks so much better too. That’s a weird thing to hear. Two people have told me that, at different times.

I still haven’t bothered to learn anything about my new camera or how to work it properly. I will get around to it one day. I don’t really care about taking fancy pictures. I like to look at them, though. I don’t know why I got it. I am not one to go out and try to take nice pictures of flowers and such.

My new printer has like 5 different inks. I wonder if it’s going to be really expensive to replace them. Hopefully each color isn’t as expensive as the color and black in printers that take two inks. I haven’t bought ink in forever anyways. Maybe the price went down. I barely print anything. I need to get rid of my old printer. It’s been sitting on my counter for a long time. Yeah… sureeeee most things are compatible with a Mac. So far I have had to replace the printer and get rid of my webcam that was almost new and not cheap. Oh yeah, my digital camera won’t put a disk on the desktop so I can browse it. I had to buy a card reader. That is one thing I HATE about my MacBook. It doesn’t have a card reader.

GOD FUCKING DAMN IT. Andy just threw up on my bed for the third time in two days. Back to changing my sheets again. Ha, he just threw up again. I’ve been feeding him soft dog food, so I am sure that’s why. I need to go to the pet store to get him some hard dog food.

I absolutely HATE my iPhone. There are so many annoying things about it. You can’t delete one call from the call history. You have to delete them all. You can’t send multimedia messages, and to receive them, you have to go to a website to look at it. They give you a login and a password. It would be a lot easier if the login was something you could memorize, but it’s random numbers and letters. So you can’t memorize it and login the site from your iPhone. You would have to write the numbers and letters down. That is a simple but annoying inconvenience. You can’t save the multimedia message pictures because they are flash. You have to take a fucking screenshot of them. The pictures are tiny, and there’s no way to enlarge them. It doesn’t show call duration. That is really annoying. Typing on it sucks. Chris Pirillo (Steve is like obsessed with him) hates the threaded text messages, but I like them. I didn’t like them at first, but now I do. I’m sure there’s more I hate. I just can’t think of it right now. If I could go back to my Sidekick and regular cell phone, I would. But I already sold them, and got less money than I paid for them. I would be spending more money, when I just lost money for the shit I want back. God.

Oh… and the thing that annoys me more than anything about it… you cannot type text in a email with a picture attached. Like if I send a picture to flickr… I cannot type a description. That is SO annoying, so I end up waiting until I get home to email them so I can type a description on the flickr website.

Another thing… this may just be the program, but the IM program I use on there… you have to be connected to wifi to even use it. You can’t use it while you are out and on the edge network. When I connect at home I get signed off. I don’t know how long it takes, but I will sign on, then look at it a little later, and I am signed off. The Sidekick has the absolute best instant messaging. You hear a noise when you get an IM, there are a lot of settings, and you never get disconnected. The ONLY things that suck about a Sidekick is the size and the quality of the pictures the camera takes. Plus you cannot beat $30.00 a month for unlimited text and data. It is $20.00 for unlimited text messaging alone with AT&T. I don’t even know how much everything is with my iPhone. I think my phone bill was $110.00, and my plan is $50.00. No… fuck… I just looked. $121.00. I have unlimited minutes, so I did not go over my minutes. Insurance won’t cover the iPhone.

Sorry, I know, I am OBSESSED with cell phones. I could talk about them all day long. When you use almost 5,000 minutes a month having a good one is important.

The battery life is pretty good on the iPhone. It charges REAL fast.

Okay, I am going to shut up now.

Oh, and this fucking wordpress. You have to type the title of the post first (before you type anything in the post textarea) in order to get the title in the permalink. I HATE it. I haven’t bothered to look, but I have no clue where the blogroll went. I always forget to add a category because you have to scroll down to see them. Edit- Never mind. I just realized it changed the permalink once I posted it. /Edit

Okay, I’m done. I promise.

Posted in General, Lap-Band Surgery, Nerdy | No Comments »

Confused about my band

I’ve lost 1 pound in the last 3 weeks. I was thinking it is time to get my band filled again. But food is still getting stuck bad. Also, I had sushi with Steve, and I ate A LOT. For some reason it didn’t get stuck, and I was able to eat a lot. But I just tried to eat chicken, and I was able to take 4 bites, and it got stuck, bad. I guess I do need it filled. I should just give up on chicken, but I love it. Yeah, I was confused, but I do need it filled. I can eat other things just fine. I guess it’s just the chicken. Sometimes I hate my freaking band. It was well worth it though. Well, chicken and bread are VERY hard to eat. Those are my two favorite foods. I guess all meat is hard to eat. I have an appointment on April 7th to get it filled. I am not looking forward to it. I will probably throw up everything for a month like last time. I am not looking forward to the liquid diet and soft foods for a week. It’s hard.

I still want to eat bad food, but it’s easy when you live alone. As long as you can get through the grocery store without putting bad food in your cart, then it is easy to eat healthy. I can’t imagine being married and having kids that like bad food. I have ate out a few times, but only when I am with people. I don’t get french fries or anything like that, but I also don’t get a salad. I have had boneless buffalo wings, tuna filet sandwich, an omelet and chili. Chili is so fattening, but for some reason the dietitian recommended it. I guess because of the protein. I try to eat really careful when I am eating out so I don’t end up screaming and running to the bathroom in a public place. Of course I could control the screaming. I wouldn’t do that in public, even if it hurts really bad. I have thrown up a few times in public bathrooms. A few times people have been in there. I just kept thinking how they probably think I am bulimic. Oh well, I never really cared about what people think of me. Well, I don’t care about what strangers think of me. I will never see them again.

It seems like a lot of guys are interested in me now. It’s kind of hard not to think “well, they wouldn’t have liked me when I was fat.” I don’t think about it too much, but I am sure Steve wouldn’t have liked me when I was fat. I met two guys before I met Steve, and they both were really interested in me. I told one of them about Andrew, and he left me alone after that. I made it seem like I still wanted to be with him, which at the time, I did. This other guy, John, I met, he won’t leave me alone. I mean, I don’t tell him to. He knows that I have a boyfriend. When I first met him he was all about having sex with me. I let him know that it wasn’t going to happen. Then he laid off. He just IMs me sometimes, and we don’t say much. He always makes sure that I still have a boyfriend. Of course I still have the Yahoo “stalkers”. Guys on Yahoo are so freaking nuts. I have never met them, and they act like it’s the end of the world that I ignore them. This one guy, he won’t leave me alone. I ignore him EVERY SINGLE time he IMs me, yet he still continues to. It’s a pattern with Yahoo guys. I don’t get it. It’s like they can’t take a hint. They act like they know me and they don’t want to lose me. I used to try to have a conversation with some of them, every once in a while, but then they always start talking about sex. Some of them end up admitting that they are really married and stuff. I have noticed that Yahoo is a way for guys to try to get sex. I imagine they are IMing multiple girls. I can’t be the only one. I don’t get guys. Why do they want sex so much??? I guess women will never figure that out.

I have finally been putting my XBOX, Guitar Hero and RockBand to use. I don’t like playing alone, but Steve and my cousin have been playing with me. RockBand is way easier than Guitar Hero. I almost thought I needed to be on “medium” last night (on the guitar) lol… almost haha. I suck, but Steve is a pro, so he saves my ass every time. Everyone else I know sucks at it, so it’s hard to play with them and get through one freaking song. I am getting better, though. I like singing, but I have to be in the mood. I hate the drums. I sing the best when I am drunk. I can get through almost every song, but a few of the songs I cannot get through at all. I was upset last night about the ex girlfriend situation, so I was sucking at singing so bad. You have to be in a good mood to sing. My new medicine is also making me really tired, so that makes it harder too.

I’m bored. I need to start hanging out with my two friends again or something. I have just been so tired.

Posted in Lap-Band Surgery, Liquid Diet | 2 Comments »

JKksadksad

I ended up going to the ER with Christy earlier. She was throwing up (and everything else) all last night and today. Her lovely husband left her alone. I stayed for like an hour and a half. Then I got really tired and called my mom and told her to pick her up when she is ready. We went to this new hospital here. Christy said she has taken her son there and it’s never busy. It didn’t look busy when we got there, but they took forever to call her back, and when they did, she was in the hallway getting and IV and everything. When I left, the waiting room was PACKED!!!!!

I wear the same size jeans as Christy now. I can give her all my clothes that I wear at this size. I only have 3 pairs of jeans that fit me. I bought a new pair today. They are a tiny bit too tight on me, but that’s good. Christy still looks a lot skinnier than me. I guess it’s because she is really skinny up top.

I have been talking to Andrew on the phone NON-STOP. Every time I get off the phone with him, I call him back a half hour later. Andrew made me an email address to email him at so I don’t flood his other email that he was using to look for a job. I bet him and Rich are going to be mad at me. I know the password to it, so Rich asked me for Andrew’s email address, and I gave him the one I have the password to lol. I didn’t think about it, but I know I am going to get blamed for giving him that email address because I can read it. I just logged into it to see if Andrew checked his email, and there was an email from Rich. Of course I read it lol. I called Andrew and told him at like 12am. He said he was sleeping, but I logged into the account again, and he read it because it was read and I marked it as “unread”. I bet he said he was sleeping to get out of talking to me for the one millionth time today. I am surprised he didn’t delete it. He was also supposedly sleeping at 11:30pm last night, but he answers his phone. I don’t care if he lied to me. He has been talking to me a million times a day.

And damn search engines. They help people find my website when I really don’t want them to know how crazy I am. I didn’t think you could get here by googling my AIM or Yahoo name. I thought I took it out of every post.

Posted in Andrew, Friends, Lap-Band Surgery | No Comments »

I think I have a hang over

REALLY BAD. My body aches SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO bad. My legs feel like I have been standing on them for 24 hours straight. I went shopping and I couldn’t wait to get the hell out of there. I am in such a miserable mood. I was so drunk last night that I told Andrew not to answer the phone when I call him lol. I just called him and he didn’t answer. I told him that I changed my mind on his voicemail. I only remember two things we talked about. We talked about how I am going to NY because his family is from Buffalo also. We talked about Niagara Falls and how I am pretty sure you need a passport to get into Canada now. Then the other thing I remember is how I told him not to answer the phone when I call him. I am so stupid.

I seriously have NO CLUE why, but when he was over here a couple days ago he started downloading music and putting it on my computer. He put Rammstein on there, Shadows Fall, Megaherz, Killswitch Engage, Rob Zombie, Dimmu Borgir, All That Remains, Emigrate, In Flames, In This Moment, Lamb of God and Wumpscut. There are like 40 songs he put on there. I don’t know why he did it because he is moving. I already have a lot of his music on my iPod. I don’t like even one of those bands. Then he said that he must have told me that he likes that “Life Is Beautiful” song by Sixx AM because I have it on my computer. He always says I like everything because he likes it. He never even told me that he likes that song. It only comes on the radio a million times a day. It pisses me off that he always thinks I copy him. I bought my XBOX because of him, I got Guitar Hero III because of him, so many things I can’t think of. Oh yeah… I play WoW because of him. I copied some of the songs he likes. Almost every one of his songs is filed under the “Andrew’s Music” genre, and I don’t even listen to it. I can’t stand most of his music. Next time I talk to him I am going to tell him that he copied me and got RockBand.

It doesn’t matter. He is moving.

It’s later. I took a nap. I talked to Andrew. I just got off of the phone with that guy that likes me. I wish I could like him more. He told me that I told him that I am madly in love with Andrew last night. Oops. I didn’t know I told him that. I don’t remember barely anything that happened when Andrew came over on Thursday. I was on anxiety medicine and drinking, and I barely remember anything that happened last night after I got drunk. I usually never forget anything when I am drunk. I shouldn’t drink anymore. It is bad after my surgery. I also used to have a hard time falling asleep when I would drink. Now I fall asleep really fast.

If you moblog with flickr, they give you a private email to send your photos to. My new one is “meet(numbers)hell” lol. That’s a shitty one.

Posted in General, Lap-Band Surgery | 2 Comments »

Fine

I am basically fine now. I had a horrible morning yesterday. I was crying my ass off in my psychiatrists office. I was crying so hard and whimpering. I waited and cried for about 30-45 minutes. There was people in there. An old lady sat next to me to try to cheer me up. When she left, this lady acroos the room whispered “are you okay?” It’s amazing how kind humans are. I went up to the front desk and told them I would be outside so to please have my doctor come out there and get me. The lady called my doctor and demanded that she see me immediately. So I went back immediately. Some lady left and there as one lady before me. I felt back because that lady was waiting for a long time.

I got my doctor to give me 1mg ativan. I am almost out, two days later, because 1mg doesn’t do shit. After that I calmed down. I have been talking to Andrew basically all day long for the past few days.

My mom took me out to dinner and shopping last night. We went to Ruby Tuesday’s and shared a meal since I cant eat much. I had 3 bites of food in 2 days. I lost 2 pounds. That was all I had to eat yesterday. I had steak, crab cake, and broccoli. We had mashed potatoes too, but I didn’t eat any. I threw most of the food up in their bathroom. I guess I threw it all up, but I came out and had a few more bites and I didn’t throw that up. We went to the mall. I went to Macy’s and went to Mac and got 3 eyeshadows, 2 brushes, and 2 eyeliners. My mom definitely felt bad for me if I didn’t even have to convince her to buy buy it all.

I got my first pair of jeans from a skinny store! I got a size 14 pair of jeans from American Eagle. They fit me perfectly. I don’t need a belt, and they are not too tight. I got an XL shirt from there. That really cheered me up. I got 5 pairs of undies from Victoria’s Secret. All size large.

I feel like everyone is going to think I was so stupid for believing that Andrew would let me move with him. It was stupid of me, but at least he will be gone. I can move on with my life. I am sure I will still talk to him and maybe visit him. But I will try to like other guys. Another guy is sure to get my mind off of him. I will try to keep busy. Believe it or not, I am not depressed. I am not depressed like I get when I post here. I am just very sad. Leslie gave me some good advice on how hard changes are. I always talk to her. She is very smart.

BTW, I canceled all of my domains, and was able to get them back. I canceled my myspace and flickr. I have a new flickr now. I found a program to backup all your photos you have one there.

Maybe this is a good thing, even though it hurts SO bad right now. Maybe I can convince my mom to take me shopping today. I am only going to have one pair of jeans while I lose weight. I will buy one pair when I lose another size. You can wear jeans a few times, and it’s not like I don’t have a washer and dryer. I don’t care what other people think. I have never really cared about what people think of me. I do in some ways, but not very much.

I am going to go to my mom’s now and try not to call Andrew too much today.

Edit-

Oh yeah, my GPS got stolen from my car. I ALWAYS lock the doors, and the window wasn’t broken, so they must have another way to get in. I am so upset.

Posted in Andrew, Bad Day, Friends, Lap-Band Surgery | No Comments »

Court is in session, a verdict is in.

No appeal on the docket today…

I know what that song’s about, and I can relate to it, even if it’s not about love. The beginning just reminds me of us.

So Andrew says that I can’t move with him now. I canceled most of my domains. Actually, I tried to cancel them all, but for some reason a few of them didn’t get canceled. I don’t know what to do. I can’t stop crying. I can’t stop listening to depressing music. He says he is going to come visit me tonight for the last time. He says maybe he will stay the night. But I don’t know if he’ll come now, since I just pissed him off on the phone. I can’t call him because he is doing some stuff on base. He is trying to be really nice about it. He lost his temper and is mad because I keep asking if I can come visit him. He says he hasn’t even moved there yet, and I am already worried about it. Dumb thing to get mad about, huh?

I wish I could say it’s for the best and all that, but I am not at that point. I don’t know if I will ever be. Emily hasn’t gotten over her ex, neither has Amy. I think he may be the one I don’t get over. I got over Chris just fine. Maybe I will get over him. Everything seems impossible right now, but I guess time heals all wounds. Who knows how much time it will take to heal.

On top of that, my mom never went to the kidney doctor to make sure she doesn’t have cancer. She lied to me. She has an appointment during spring break. I am SO worried about that. If I lose my mom and Andrew, I will be in a mental institution. I don’t know if I will be alive. They will have to give me something to sedate me every time I wake up. Please believe that I am not exaggerating.

I think I had breakfast yesterday, I don’t remember. I know I didn’t have lunch and I had 3 bites of food for dinner. Your band gets real tight when you are under stress. Not that I would be able to eat anyways. I chewed a piece of chicken so well, and it still got stuck. They also say that your band gets real tight when you are PMSing. I think I am. Who knows, my period comes at random times, but since I have lost weight, it has been more regular.
I seriously considered killing myself last night. Not calling 911 because I get scared. Just taking all of my Seroquel to make me fall asleep and wash it down with some wine. I do wish God would take my life. Maybe there is a God, and maybe I will go to hell if I kill myself. I don’t really believe that, though.

So I guess this will be my domain. I don’t know if I will ever tell anybody. But, knowing me, I will. I just need a break. I feel so stupid for believing that he would let me move with him. I knew it was his last chance to play with my head. It’s still probably not even his last chance. I know I will continue to talk to him and hopefully change his mind. I wish I never met him. I promise, I would chose that if I could. Fuck “it’s better to love and lost than to never loved at all”. Fuck thinking that everything you go through in life makes you stronger. Everything I go through makes me weaker.
Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I learned to never be with someone who uses drugs from being with Chris. Maybe I will learn to never be with someone who treats you like shit from being with Andrew.

If my mom doesn’t have cancer, everything will be fine.

Well, I have to get ready to go to my psychiatrist appointment. I guess I scheduled it with good timing. I am going to BEG her to give me some anti-anxiety pills. I have to stop and get gas. I will have to use my credit card since my check card won’t go through with no money in it because I just got two overdraft fees.

Posted in Andrew, Bad Day, Bipolar, Health, Lap-Band Surgery | No Comments »

Bbbbbbbbbb

I now have lost more than half of the weight that I needed to lose in the beginning. I lost a pound today. I am starting to get worried about losing so much weight. I have lost 10 pounds in half a month. You are only supposed to lose 4-8 pounds a month with Lap-Band. If you lose more, you don’t get filled. I am not going to get filled next time either. That’s a good thing because I can barely eat anyways. I haven’t thrown up since the morning two days ago. I KNOW I would not be losing this much weight if I wasn’t eating healthy and exercising.

My dogs are at the groomers. It’s so lonely without them. They need it BAD. I always wait until they need it real bad to take them. I hate taking them there. Most of all because I have to carry them. I’ve never put Frenchie on a leash once. I know she would run away if I didn’t carry her because they hate the groomers. She is getting so fat too. She got sick of the light Science Diet, so I am feeding her regular. And Kelley was right. Science Diet makes them shit SO much. They go poop almost every time I take them out to the bathroom. I don’t really know how many times a day dogs are supposed to poop, but they poop a lot. I was good for once and just picked up all the poop in the yard. I usually take forever and my neighbor does it for me. She has a dog too.

My mom’s friend that she works with had gastric bypass 6 months ago. She is having complications and has a 50% chance of living. She has had two emergency surgeries. The first one she was rushed to the hospital, and they were literally running her down the hall on a stretcher to get her into surgery to save her life. She has been in the hospital for almost a month… I think. I know a few people that know people who have died from it. My neighbor right to the left of me, her mom died from it. I think I would have stayed fat rather than have that surgery. Lap-Band is a great alternative. The only thing about it is that they don’t know what happens in the long run. They think everything will be fine, but it is kind of new, so they don’t have long term studies on it. I don’t know how new it is. I know they were doing it other places before the US. I know Sharon Osbourne got it done a long time ago (and had it removed).

Andrew yelled at me twice yesterday and made me cry. I already didn’t feel good when I called him at night. I called him and he didn’t answer. Then I called him later and asked him where he was at when I called him. He said he was at the gym, and I told him that I didn’t believe him. He got so pissed off and started screaming at me. I was just joking… seriously. I hate him sometimes. The other time, earlier in the day, I told him that he better not change his mind about me moving with him. He started screaming at me saying that he has a choice. I know he does. God. I started crying. Then I told him that he still better not change his mind… just to piss him off. He didn’t get mad that time. He says that I drive him crazy, but I am glad I do because he drives me crazy too. I bought him the Family Guy Star Wars episode (Blue Harvest or whatever the hell it’s called). He loved it. He told me that he had it in his hand and he was going to buy it himself, but he changed his mind. He does make me happy most of the time. That’s why I always call him when I am depressed, but sometimes he is such an ass. He is nice to me too. He’s not always an ass, but I always blog about all the bad things just to vent. He can be really sweet. And things are a lot better than they used to be. At least I don’t feel the need to go psycho on him anymore because he is being better. He does a lot of things to make me happy. I know he does stuff that he doesn’t want to do just to make me happy. He hates going places and is very anti-social, but he hangs out with me to make me happy. Not that he shouldn’t. But everything for him is hard. He is so weird. He HATES talking on the phone, but he will talk to me for hours to make me happy. We talked on the phone for 4 hours like a week ago. He doesn’t get mad about me calling him all the time anymore. He says sweet things. I know he’s still difficult, and he still isn’t as great as he should be and compared to other guys, but he tries. He is just weird. You have to be patient with him. He is an original.

I am talking about him a lot again. Oh well. I love him, and he does make me happy most of the time.

Posted in Andrew, Andy, Frenchie, Lap-Band Surgery, Pets | No Comments »